Still recovering from Marscon weekend and with being needed at work tomorrow and Friday these posts will be later than usual.
This year, a "by the numbers" list seems like a good idea and here it is:
Total hours: 128
Total miles driven: 1,250
Different people driven: 7
People I have never driven before: 3
Dollars spent on gas: 150 (ten less than estimated)
Times heard the song "Fireworks, Pornography and Beer": 5 (One on way to get rental, once just before entering Wisconsin, one while leaving Wisconsin, one at 2AM in party room, one live on stage)
Total miles to drive in Wisconsin to go from the Chicago area to the Twin Cities area: 288
Fireworks places seen: 10
Pornography places seen: 6
Cheese places seen: 14
Temp displayed in car on trip there: between 28 and 32
Number of people who scared a woman in TGI Friday's who turned 80 by shouting "happy birthday, Carol" together from their table: 16
Alcoholic beverages consumed by Dr Demento in Dementia Radio party room before the music started: 2
Alcoholic beverages consumed by me in the Dementia Radio party room while Dr. Demento was in it: 4
Number of stuffed large animals on display by Minnesota Hunting International during their convention held in the same hotel the same weekend: 15
Total occasions a podcast (or portion of) was recorded: 6
Total time slots for music performers: 14
Songs played by Possible Oscar in their 30 minute time slot: 1
Length in minutes of "epic sax medley" played as bridge of Possible Oscar song "At the Con" : 22
People in front of stage creating "kittens for sale" mosh pit: 5
Number of people who moved to their favorite section of the room to shout their favorite evil word: 5
Number of men in Dementia Smackdown wrestling: 14
Number of women in Dementia Smackdown wrestling including the winner: 4
Number of robots in Dementia Smackdown wrestling: 1
Number of horses in Dementia Smackdown wrestling who were attacked before entering the ring and replaced by a real wrestler: 1
Total people joining the wrestling champion who did a water aerobics class at 9AM Saturday morning: 9
Total people that were in the room watching the fan showcase when it started: 15
Musicians that were in the room watching the fan showcase when it started: 6
Musicians that performed in the fan showcase: 4
Fans that performed in the fan showcase: 1
People who recorded video of that fan's performance: 3
People who understood why the fan stated, "Gone, bitch!" in the fan showcase: 1
Musicians who told that fan he is better than he thinks he is: 3
People who agreed the fan showcase should now be discontinued since a main stage event provides the same purpose: many
Different people who watched Carrie's 2 year old son during her show having to go to and from the stage and the stroller in the back of the room: 3
People from Meep Morp studios that joined Dr Demento on stage talking about the documentary: 4
Logan Awards people who took a pic together after the main group one: 6
Total pictures or video I took with someone else's phone or camera: 12
Total pictures taken of Dr Demento with someone else's phone or camera: 4
People from the dementia group that together went to Saturday night dinner at the hotel (including Dr. Demento): 24
Alcoholic drinks consumed Saturday night: 1
Number of bottles that were used to make it: 8
People who played boob tree: 9
Of those who draw professionally: 2
People sitting on floor outside Dementia Radio party room talking while only 2 people were inside: 15
People who were watching their phones when the time went from 1:59AM to 3AM: 4
People who were in room when it closed at 6AM: 7
Meep Morp people who were in room at that time though they were conducting interviews at 10:30 the next morning: 2
Sober people in room helping those in their need: 2
People watching live recording of Luke and Carrie's Bad Rapport 100th episode: 24
Distance in feet from Luke to Ken when they did, "Let's call Ken": 12
Concerts I had to listen from hall trying to recover from caffeine headache: 2
People in conga line during last song of weekend (Pico and Sepulevda): 10
People who were in pool/hot tub Sunday night: 35
Places in pool/cabana area from the three times I attended Convergence I referenced while in hot tub: 5
Time pool was closed with me and one other person in it: 11:25PM
People in room when Dead dog party closed at 3AM: 8
Total CDs obtained: 4
Total items obtained for daughter: 3
Monday breakfast people: 20
Those who took picture of Kornflake after she put a cut out picture of Greg Brady's head over each her breasts: 8
Temp reading on car after making the way through slush covered frozen material to load car: 50
Temp in Menominee (do do do do do): 55
Temp in Madison: 60
Temp in Rockford: 45
Temp in Chicago: 55
Temp in Wood Dale: 50
Temp in Wood Dale Tuesday morning: 40
Temp in Springfield Tuesday afternoon: 70
Time spent in Springfield park enjoying weather before heading home: 1 hour
Temp in Joliet: 50
Time it took to write this: 90 minutes
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
T - minus 3 weeks
Once again it is mid February and soon it will be time to head to Minnesota for Marscon and its Dementia track. As I do every year, here is my personal assessment of the main stage performers hopefully in chronological order:
Possible Oscar A- This is the one artist which will benefit the most by the convention moving to the Doubletree Hotel. They play best loud and the room that hosted the music at Marscon over the past 7 years had a low ceiling which made it overwhelming at times.
Power Salad A- Always enjoy his music and hanging out with Chris off stage at the con.
TV's Kyle A- Another person who I enjoy his presence off stage as much as on stage who was my daughter's favorite American based performer last year.
Insane Ian A- Last year in my best of 2013 show, I featured four of his songs. Sometimes there seems to be something missing when his music is performed live.
Worm Quartet A It doesn't matter that I have usually heard everything he performs before. It is still that enjoyable to watch.
Carrie Dahlby B Returning to the main stage after a while. She has definitely made other acts better over the years with her awesome voice.
Devo Spice A I was somewhat skeptical about his new CD all about Dr. Who thinking 12 songs about one topic would be monotonous. I was pleased by how each song seemed fresh and the total depth of the songs in the CD about the 50 years of the show.
the great Luke Ski A A while ago, I suggested it would be understandable if he gave up his main stage slot to work on running the con since it was showing in his performance. However, he has retooled his act to make it easier for him and more enjoyable for the audience.
Meep Morp featuring Dr. Demento A+ I can't wait to see Dr. Demento since it has been 10 years. I want to thank him for playing the songs in which I was involved.
Henry Phillips A- I only know a few of his songs and can't wait to hear his full act.
DJ Particle C+ I am not that familiar with the music she has done over the past 4 or 5 years.
Beth Kinderman (and the Player Characters) B- On a Saturday night at Windycon (held in the Chicago area in November), I really enjoy her work. I support her party room and occasionally stop by to see some of the acts that perform and she is an awesome person.
Mikey Mason A- Saw him last year at Marscon and Gencon and have enjoyed his submissions to the FuMP and his CDs.
FuMP Jukebox B- As I have said in past years, this is a great format for those who are not as experienced or accomplished as others.
Dementia Smackdown B The last gasp of the musical magic that is Marscon. To be honest, I am usually worn out by this time and don't want it to end but I know it must.
Possible Oscar A- This is the one artist which will benefit the most by the convention moving to the Doubletree Hotel. They play best loud and the room that hosted the music at Marscon over the past 7 years had a low ceiling which made it overwhelming at times.
Power Salad A- Always enjoy his music and hanging out with Chris off stage at the con.
TV's Kyle A- Another person who I enjoy his presence off stage as much as on stage who was my daughter's favorite American based performer last year.
Insane Ian A- Last year in my best of 2013 show, I featured four of his songs. Sometimes there seems to be something missing when his music is performed live.
Worm Quartet A It doesn't matter that I have usually heard everything he performs before. It is still that enjoyable to watch.
Carrie Dahlby B Returning to the main stage after a while. She has definitely made other acts better over the years with her awesome voice.
Devo Spice A I was somewhat skeptical about his new CD all about Dr. Who thinking 12 songs about one topic would be monotonous. I was pleased by how each song seemed fresh and the total depth of the songs in the CD about the 50 years of the show.
the great Luke Ski A A while ago, I suggested it would be understandable if he gave up his main stage slot to work on running the con since it was showing in his performance. However, he has retooled his act to make it easier for him and more enjoyable for the audience.
Meep Morp featuring Dr. Demento A+ I can't wait to see Dr. Demento since it has been 10 years. I want to thank him for playing the songs in which I was involved.
Henry Phillips A- I only know a few of his songs and can't wait to hear his full act.
DJ Particle C+ I am not that familiar with the music she has done over the past 4 or 5 years.
Beth Kinderman (and the Player Characters) B- On a Saturday night at Windycon (held in the Chicago area in November), I really enjoy her work. I support her party room and occasionally stop by to see some of the acts that perform and she is an awesome person.
Mikey Mason A- Saw him last year at Marscon and Gencon and have enjoyed his submissions to the FuMP and his CDs.
FuMP Jukebox B- As I have said in past years, this is a great format for those who are not as experienced or accomplished as others.
Dementia Smackdown B The last gasp of the musical magic that is Marscon. To be honest, I am usually worn out by this time and don't want it to end but I know it must.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Things you probably don't know about the Super Bowl
I am well aware that most of the people who would read this would not care but I am writing this to get these thoughts out of my head similar to my story A Madman December 25th Carol. I have one thing per decade.
60s: Two of the players that would made their league's all 1960s decade team, Paul Hornung and Don Maynard, were not a part of their team's win. Hornung who was at the end of his career was the the only Green Bay Packer to not see the field in Super Bowl I and Maynard had a hamstring injury for Super Bowl III while caused him to just be a decoy and not have a pass thrown towards him. It is likely that Maynard's injury helped the Jets since it caused them to be conservative on offense.
70s: There has only been one ball in Super Bowl history to hit the crossbar preventing points and it was a pass. In Super Bowl VII, the Redskins had an open receiver in the end zone but the pass struck the crossbar since the goal post was on the goal line through the 1973 season. The Redskins lost by those 7 points. I also know Golden Richards TD catch in the fourth quarter of Super Bowl XII would not be allowed today and to be honest it should have not been allowed then under those rules but it did not decide the game.
80s: Though no team has played the Super Bowl on their home field, twice did the NFC team play in their metropolitan area. The Rams played Super Bowl XIV in the Rose Bowl though their team played in the Los Angeles Coliseum 18 miles away and the 49ers played Super Bowl XIX in Stanford Stadium 27 miles away which is closer to San Francisco to where the 49ers new stadium is being built. Also, the 49ers (as I predicted to my father being unhappy that the game was like a home game to the 49ers as their coach Bill Walsh stated) played a home game in Stanford Stadium after the 1989 Bay Area earthquake.
90s: In the final play of Super Bowl XXXIV, Tennessee Titan Kevin Dyson caught a pass and was tackled a half yard short of the goal line. During the drive, Tennessee had first down on the Rams 45 yard line. They completed a 7 yard pass while St Louis was offsides. Titans coach Coach Jeff Fisher took the penalty. I commented about it at the time and the 2 yards they lost that play was the difference. (Yes, I know that game was played in January 2000 but it is close enough)
00s: I have two. In both Super Bowl XXXV and XXXVI there was a dominant team facing a team lucky to be in the playoffs. Early in both games the dominant team threw an interception that was returned for a touchdown. In Super Bowl XXXV, the Giants were called for a mediocre penalty while allowed Baltimore to keep possession and in Super Bowl XXXVI, the play held up in spite of the fact that the Patriots defender hit Rams QB Kurt Warner in the helmet after he let go of the pass. Even back then that is usually called a penalty.
So? Baltimore score on that possession and routed the Giants and that Patriots TD allowed them to upset the Rams.
Denver Broncos coach John Fox today becomes the 6th person to be the head coach of two different franchises in Super Bowl history (Shula, Parcells, Vermeil, Reeves, Holmgren).
People (after what should be the non issue of "nipplegate" which happened during the unnecessary half time show) remember Super Bowl XXXVIII and Adam Viniteri kicking a game winning field goal in the 32-29 game. Technically the field goal is not the winning margin.
with 12:39 left in the game, Carolina down 21-10 scored a TD and went for 2 (to be down by 3) and missed. They scored another TD with 6:53 left and went for 2 (to be up by 3) and missed. When New England scored a TD with 2:51 left they made their 2 point conversion to be up by 7. Had John Fox not chased points early in the 4th quarter, Vinitieri's field goal would have tied the game at 31 and the game would have gone into overtime.
60s: Two of the players that would made their league's all 1960s decade team, Paul Hornung and Don Maynard, were not a part of their team's win. Hornung who was at the end of his career was the the only Green Bay Packer to not see the field in Super Bowl I and Maynard had a hamstring injury for Super Bowl III while caused him to just be a decoy and not have a pass thrown towards him. It is likely that Maynard's injury helped the Jets since it caused them to be conservative on offense.
70s: There has only been one ball in Super Bowl history to hit the crossbar preventing points and it was a pass. In Super Bowl VII, the Redskins had an open receiver in the end zone but the pass struck the crossbar since the goal post was on the goal line through the 1973 season. The Redskins lost by those 7 points. I also know Golden Richards TD catch in the fourth quarter of Super Bowl XII would not be allowed today and to be honest it should have not been allowed then under those rules but it did not decide the game.
80s: Though no team has played the Super Bowl on their home field, twice did the NFC team play in their metropolitan area. The Rams played Super Bowl XIV in the Rose Bowl though their team played in the Los Angeles Coliseum 18 miles away and the 49ers played Super Bowl XIX in Stanford Stadium 27 miles away which is closer to San Francisco to where the 49ers new stadium is being built. Also, the 49ers (as I predicted to my father being unhappy that the game was like a home game to the 49ers as their coach Bill Walsh stated) played a home game in Stanford Stadium after the 1989 Bay Area earthquake.
90s: In the final play of Super Bowl XXXIV, Tennessee Titan Kevin Dyson caught a pass and was tackled a half yard short of the goal line. During the drive, Tennessee had first down on the Rams 45 yard line. They completed a 7 yard pass while St Louis was offsides. Titans coach Coach Jeff Fisher took the penalty. I commented about it at the time and the 2 yards they lost that play was the difference. (Yes, I know that game was played in January 2000 but it is close enough)
00s: I have two. In both Super Bowl XXXV and XXXVI there was a dominant team facing a team lucky to be in the playoffs. Early in both games the dominant team threw an interception that was returned for a touchdown. In Super Bowl XXXV, the Giants were called for a mediocre penalty while allowed Baltimore to keep possession and in Super Bowl XXXVI, the play held up in spite of the fact that the Patriots defender hit Rams QB Kurt Warner in the helmet after he let go of the pass. Even back then that is usually called a penalty.
So? Baltimore score on that possession and routed the Giants and that Patriots TD allowed them to upset the Rams.
Denver Broncos coach John Fox today becomes the 6th person to be the head coach of two different franchises in Super Bowl history (Shula, Parcells, Vermeil, Reeves, Holmgren).
People (after what should be the non issue of "nipplegate" which happened during the unnecessary half time show) remember Super Bowl XXXVIII and Adam Viniteri kicking a game winning field goal in the 32-29 game. Technically the field goal is not the winning margin.
with 12:39 left in the game, Carolina down 21-10 scored a TD and went for 2 (to be down by 3) and missed. They scored another TD with 6:53 left and went for 2 (to be up by 3) and missed. When New England scored a TD with 2:51 left they made their 2 point conversion to be up by 7. Had John Fox not chased points early in the 4th quarter, Vinitieri's field goal would have tied the game at 31 and the game would have gone into overtime.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Prop time, 2014
As I have done the last couple of years, I am listing the prop bets I would make on this upcoming Super Bowl between Seattle and Denver. Prop bets consist on things other than the final score of the game ranging from individual and team performances in the game to things that happen during the broadcast to non sport things like pregame and halftime agendas.
In these bets I would wager $100 to win the number after the plus sign so if it was +300 I would collect $400 being the $300 from the bet plus the original $100
Sea scores exactly 3TD +275 (X 5)
Sea scores exactly 2FG +220 (win) $320
Sea leads at half by 7-9 points +800 (X 22)
Both teams combine for 5TD in the game +400 (X 6)
First misc TD is an interception return +400 (win) $500
First score of game is Den FG +350 (X Sea safety)
Last score of game is Sea rush TD +500 (X Sea pass)
Both teams combine for 3FG in game +275 (X 2)
Sea def or special teams will score a TD +225 (win) $325
Any def or special teams will score a TD +155 (win) $255
After first quarter Sea leads by 1-6 points +450 (X Sea up by 8)
Sea -7 1/2 +350 (win) $450
Sea -3 1/2 +180 (win) $280
margin of victory exactly 10 points +700 (X 35)
Den scores exactly 1FG +200 (X 0)
Den scores exactly 2TD +250 (X 0)
Sea wins by 7-12 points +500 (X 35)
Lynch scores first TD of game +550 (win) $650
Lynch MVP +375 (X Malcolm Smith -field-)
Manning 2 total interceptions +350 (win) $450
Manning 2 total TD passes +200 (X 1)
Lynch scores first Sea TD +180 (win) $280
Welker scores first Den TD +450 (X D. Thomas)
Lynch scores TD in first half +135 (win) $235
Earl Thomas has interception +250 (X)
Washington Capitals hockey player Alex Ovechkin has more points than Sea sacks +120 (push - 1 each) $100
Manning has a pass intercepted for a TD +400 (win) $500
Wilson 0 TD passes +275 (X 2)
Welker scores a TD +105 (X)
Welker 7 or 8 receptions in game +250 (win) $350
Sea first score is rushing TD +200 (X safety)
Total points 41-50 +250 (X 51)
These I would wager $220 to collect $420
This I would wager $200
Seattle wins +115 (win) $430
Total amount wagered would be $3,840.
Total collected $5,545
Profit $1,705
Note: On all winning bets, I collect the amount bet along with the payoff. For example, the $100 bet on Seattle having exactly 2 field goals is returned with the $220.
Unlike last year, I could not find a wager to state Sea would score 27 or Den 17 and I was going to wager on what will be the first song Bruno Mars would perform but the song my daughter said without seeing the possible choices was not among them.
It is better I don't involve the halftime show since I will be playing Rock Band during it like I have done the previous 4 years.
In these bets I would wager $100 to win the number after the plus sign so if it was +300 I would collect $400 being the $300 from the bet plus the original $100
Sea scores exactly 3TD +275 (X 5)
Sea scores exactly 2FG +220 (win) $320
Sea leads at half by 7-9 points +800 (X 22)
Both teams combine for 5TD in the game +400 (X 6)
First misc TD is an interception return +400 (win) $500
First score of game is Den FG +350 (X Sea safety)
Last score of game is Sea rush TD +500 (X Sea pass)
Both teams combine for 3FG in game +275 (X 2)
Sea def or special teams will score a TD +225 (win) $325
Any def or special teams will score a TD +155 (win) $255
After first quarter Sea leads by 1-6 points +450 (X Sea up by 8)
Sea -7 1/2 +350 (win) $450
Sea -3 1/2 +180 (win) $280
margin of victory exactly 10 points +700 (X 35)
Den scores exactly 1FG +200 (X 0)
Den scores exactly 2TD +250 (X 0)
Sea wins by 7-12 points +500 (X 35)
Lynch scores first TD of game +550 (win) $650
Lynch MVP +375 (X Malcolm Smith -field-)
Manning 2 total interceptions +350 (win) $450
Manning 2 total TD passes +200 (X 1)
Lynch scores first Sea TD +180 (win) $280
Welker scores first Den TD +450 (X D. Thomas)
Lynch scores TD in first half +135 (win) $235
Earl Thomas has interception +250 (X)
Washington Capitals hockey player Alex Ovechkin has more points than Sea sacks +120 (push - 1 each) $100
Manning has a pass intercepted for a TD +400 (win) $500
Wilson 0 TD passes +275 (X 2)
Welker scores a TD +105 (X)
Welker 7 or 8 receptions in game +250 (win) $350
Sea first score is rushing TD +200 (X safety)
Total points 41-50 +250 (X 51)
These I would wager $220 to collect $420
Sea +2 (win) $420
Total points in game under 47.5 (X)
Total points in game under 47.5 (X)
This I would wager $200
Seattle wins +115 (win) $430
Total amount wagered would be $3,840.
Total collected $5,545
Profit $1,705
Note: On all winning bets, I collect the amount bet along with the payoff. For example, the $100 bet on Seattle having exactly 2 field goals is returned with the $220.
It is better I don't involve the halftime show since I will be playing Rock Band during it like I have done the previous 4 years.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
squeezing the sponge
Recent events got my brain working on analyzing myself.
On December 24th, per request I brought my XBox 360 and Rock Band to my mom's house. As it happens when Rock Band is played in my family, I become the one who does funny voices and comments and either alone or with my daughter the weird, crazy songs that I have downloaded for the game.
Last Sunday at Luke's 40th birthday party featured karaoke in a building which reminded me of a strip club private show room as we were in a special room with seats
I was coerced into performing the song The Gambler with Carrie's husband, Josh. His voice mostly drowned out mine and after the line that began, "If you want to play the game, boy," I said to be funny, "Game Boy? up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right..." No reaction. When I did that song at my mom's house while attempting to sing it with my sisters, two people who knew the Konami code chuckled. I then remembered that in my group of friends that I am not the crazy funny one but the "normal" one whose singing is so bad it has become a joke and spent the rest of the time there unable to gather the courage to do another song.
After I explained to Carrie that in my family, I am the crazy, funny one, Luke and Carrie who did not realize that called me live on their podcast to talk about it. I explained that outside my friends, I end up repeating many of the funny things I hear in songs, movies, and tv shows like a sponge and like a sponge, what comes out when it is squeezed is usually not as good as what it soaks in.
In my group of friends, there are many inside jokes that when applied elsewhere lose their effect. If I go with my daughter tomorrow to her future high school called Fenton, deliberately sit in the SATAN! section, act like the song in the Denton Dossier is playing, and reply to the person at the mike with a robust OOOKKKAAAYYY! nobody other than my daughter would get it.
Until yesterday, I would not care. Now I do.
Last Friday the subject of Track 24 (the song I created for the Luke Ski tribute CD) came up in the gaming group and I was going to explain to someone who had no idea what it was what led to it until I realized it would take longer to explain it than the song itself.
In full detail this led to that track being made and what my plans are:
March 6, 2004 7AM: I wake up and find myself walking the hallway of the Marscon party rooms when I hear music in the karaoke room. I walk in to see someone I know still in there from the night before. She coerces me to grab the mike and for the first time in my life sing karaoke sober. I look up, she is video recording me. Fifteen seconds into the song, One More Minute, I realize two things. One: I can't sing. Two: Now I understand why I was booed performing karaoke in a bar in 1996. After I did Walk the Line, the person hosting karaoke recommended that I should not do karaoke.
March 11, 2004: The husband of the person who recording me, Luke Ski, was doing his weekly internet show featuring music from the previous weekend's convention and played what I performed. Someone in the chatroom stated that my performance woke her up on the floor below.
Over the next couple of years: I try to get Carrie (whom I first met that weekend) to help me sing as she has a degree in music. She states she can't help me.
March 2, 2007: While eating dinner in the restaurant downstairs, I got a text demanding that I HAVE to be at the Marscon opening ceremonies sketch. During the sketch which bounced around various topics, convention agent Luke Bauer was introduced and he asked for a report from Chloe played by Carrie. Among what she reported was that there was a Madman on the Loose in the karaoke room threatening to sing William Shatner's version of Mr. Tambourine Man. Luke asked if it was Ken Sherlock, and after confirming went, DAMNIT.
After that I thought it would be cool if in the karaoke room there would be a 24 style showdown but we never got the time.
March 5, 2007: While driving home from Marscon, I realized it would be cool if I learned how to sing and surprise everyone next year by doing a competent version of Mr. Tambourine Man in the karaoke room. I then purchased an on line vocal training program which still to this day occasionally sends me an email.
April 20, 2007: While at Penguicon, I notice the karaoke room has Mr Tambourine Man and was going to give it a shot but Worm Quartet was about to hit the stage so I could not stay to do it. After screaming SATAN! and SHIT! FUCK! DEATH! BEER! my voice was too trashed to attempt it.
late June 2007: Having finished the course, I contacted a vocal coach and made an appointment for mid July.
July 7, 2007: I tell DJ Particle, who was casting live at Convergence, that I was taking voice lessons and that live on the show I was going to sing when "Luke Bauer" appears to "stop" me. This was planned by me so I could surprise people at Marscon 2008.
July 18, 2007: I go for a voice lesson. After 10 minutes the person stated he could not help me since I have no sense of pitch or tone and that I hear like a color blind person sees.
December 2007: Luke asks me to record something at his house where I do the voice of a Russian being interrogated and then tortured.
Jan 4, 2008: The song Jack Bauer is released. The recording I did turned out to be in the song where my character is being tortured by Jack with the singing of William Hung (the She Bangs person from American Idol)
Various conventions that year: I appear with Luke on stage during that song dressed in a suit and George W. Bush mask being interrogated in the song.
March 7, 2009: While in the Marscon Dementia Radio party room at 2AM, I stated I caught myself singing and apologized. Luke shows up right after I left and DJ Particle loudly "thanks Luke Bauer" for showing up just in time to stop me from singing. That night, I suffer the reoccurring nightmare I would get about being removed from the fan showcase performance since I can't sing. They next day, I was barely able to function almost doing something that would have been very regrettable. I proclaimed that anyone could babble with music into a microphone for 2 minutes, have it recorded, and get it on DJ Particle's top 20 countdown.
March 7, 2010: I get singed permission by the music guest of honor to perform at the fan showcase and have DJ Particle read it. The music of Mr Tambourine Man starts and just before I sing, my daughter's voice is played instead stating she purposely edited the file so I can't sing and asked me to put the mike down and let someone else sing. I repeat that in 2013 but have the file "glitch" preventing me from performing.
March 6, 2011: I walk into the room during the fan showcase as DJ Particle is making a Luke Bauer joke, shake my head in disgust, and storm out.
Feb 2013: Carrie tells me she is doing a tribute CD for Luke to be given to him in the summer and asks me to perform in it. My first thought was "Jack Bauer" but at 6:24 it was way too long and I agreed figuring it would be a bonus track worthy song.
April 2013: I figure out a way of doing a 27% length version of "Jack Bauer" where I torture the character with me singing "Mr. Tambourine Man" and after threatening to do the full song causing the spy to comply, ending it. Since I did not cover the full song and wanting to create a joke since iTunes list songs that way, wanted to call it Track 24 and have it as the 24th track on a CD.
June 1, 2013: After 2 months of rehearsing, record the two choruses and one verse on the first attempt. It took a little while with the torture scene due to exact timing but it was done in less than an hour. Since it turned out to be a 2CD set, some creative numbering was done by Devo Spice to get my track to be #24 on the second of 2CDs.
June 3, 2013: I find out the person who ran the karaoke room at Marscon who was running it in that day in 2004 died.
June 22, 2013: The CD, Worst Tribute Ever, is released and Luke is overwhelmed.
June 23, 2013: I was going to perform Track 24 as a surprise during karaoke. However, the DJ was initially uncomfortable with getting music from another source as my backing track was on my ipod and by the time he figured out how to do that without risking his computer, I was too tired and my nerves were too shot to attempt it.
June 28, 2013: Track 24 appears on DJ Particle's weekly top 20 countdown at number 17. Had my company's firewall not blocked the site's registration email confirmation, it could have been number one for that week.
January 16, 2014: I announce live on the air that I will not perform Track 24 at the upcoming Marscon Fan Showcase the way it appeared on the CD if Carrie Dahlby's indie gogo project to fund her third CD reached its goal.
March 8, 2014 (planned): Perform Track 24 at the Marscon Fan Showcase. (twist?)
Date TBD 2015 (planned): Perform Track 24 at the Marscon Fan Showcase. (twist?)
It took almost an hour to write the time line that produced a 2 minute song.
On December 24th, per request I brought my XBox 360 and Rock Band to my mom's house. As it happens when Rock Band is played in my family, I become the one who does funny voices and comments and either alone or with my daughter the weird, crazy songs that I have downloaded for the game.
Last Sunday at Luke's 40th birthday party featured karaoke in a building which reminded me of a strip club private show room as we were in a special room with seats
I was coerced into performing the song The Gambler with Carrie's husband, Josh. His voice mostly drowned out mine and after the line that began, "If you want to play the game, boy," I said to be funny, "Game Boy? up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right..." No reaction. When I did that song at my mom's house while attempting to sing it with my sisters, two people who knew the Konami code chuckled. I then remembered that in my group of friends that I am not the crazy funny one but the "normal" one whose singing is so bad it has become a joke and spent the rest of the time there unable to gather the courage to do another song.
After I explained to Carrie that in my family, I am the crazy, funny one, Luke and Carrie who did not realize that called me live on their podcast to talk about it. I explained that outside my friends, I end up repeating many of the funny things I hear in songs, movies, and tv shows like a sponge and like a sponge, what comes out when it is squeezed is usually not as good as what it soaks in.
In my group of friends, there are many inside jokes that when applied elsewhere lose their effect. If I go with my daughter tomorrow to her future high school called Fenton, deliberately sit in the SATAN! section, act like the song in the Denton Dossier is playing, and reply to the person at the mike with a robust OOOKKKAAAYYY! nobody other than my daughter would get it.
Until yesterday, I would not care. Now I do.
Last Friday the subject of Track 24 (the song I created for the Luke Ski tribute CD) came up in the gaming group and I was going to explain to someone who had no idea what it was what led to it until I realized it would take longer to explain it than the song itself.
In full detail this led to that track being made and what my plans are:
March 6, 2004 7AM: I wake up and find myself walking the hallway of the Marscon party rooms when I hear music in the karaoke room. I walk in to see someone I know still in there from the night before. She coerces me to grab the mike and for the first time in my life sing karaoke sober. I look up, she is video recording me. Fifteen seconds into the song, One More Minute, I realize two things. One: I can't sing. Two: Now I understand why I was booed performing karaoke in a bar in 1996. After I did Walk the Line, the person hosting karaoke recommended that I should not do karaoke.
March 11, 2004: The husband of the person who recording me, Luke Ski, was doing his weekly internet show featuring music from the previous weekend's convention and played what I performed. Someone in the chatroom stated that my performance woke her up on the floor below.
Over the next couple of years: I try to get Carrie (whom I first met that weekend) to help me sing as she has a degree in music. She states she can't help me.
March 2, 2007: While eating dinner in the restaurant downstairs, I got a text demanding that I HAVE to be at the Marscon opening ceremonies sketch. During the sketch which bounced around various topics, convention agent Luke Bauer was introduced and he asked for a report from Chloe played by Carrie. Among what she reported was that there was a Madman on the Loose in the karaoke room threatening to sing William Shatner's version of Mr. Tambourine Man. Luke asked if it was Ken Sherlock, and after confirming went, DAMNIT.
After that I thought it would be cool if in the karaoke room there would be a 24 style showdown but we never got the time.
March 5, 2007: While driving home from Marscon, I realized it would be cool if I learned how to sing and surprise everyone next year by doing a competent version of Mr. Tambourine Man in the karaoke room. I then purchased an on line vocal training program which still to this day occasionally sends me an email.
April 20, 2007: While at Penguicon, I notice the karaoke room has Mr Tambourine Man and was going to give it a shot but Worm Quartet was about to hit the stage so I could not stay to do it. After screaming SATAN! and SHIT! FUCK! DEATH! BEER! my voice was too trashed to attempt it.
late June 2007: Having finished the course, I contacted a vocal coach and made an appointment for mid July.
July 7, 2007: I tell DJ Particle, who was casting live at Convergence, that I was taking voice lessons and that live on the show I was going to sing when "Luke Bauer" appears to "stop" me. This was planned by me so I could surprise people at Marscon 2008.
July 18, 2007: I go for a voice lesson. After 10 minutes the person stated he could not help me since I have no sense of pitch or tone and that I hear like a color blind person sees.
December 2007: Luke asks me to record something at his house where I do the voice of a Russian being interrogated and then tortured.
Jan 4, 2008: The song Jack Bauer is released. The recording I did turned out to be in the song where my character is being tortured by Jack with the singing of William Hung (the She Bangs person from American Idol)
Various conventions that year: I appear with Luke on stage during that song dressed in a suit and George W. Bush mask being interrogated in the song.
March 7, 2009: While in the Marscon Dementia Radio party room at 2AM, I stated I caught myself singing and apologized. Luke shows up right after I left and DJ Particle loudly "thanks Luke Bauer" for showing up just in time to stop me from singing. That night, I suffer the reoccurring nightmare I would get about being removed from the fan showcase performance since I can't sing. They next day, I was barely able to function almost doing something that would have been very regrettable. I proclaimed that anyone could babble with music into a microphone for 2 minutes, have it recorded, and get it on DJ Particle's top 20 countdown.
March 7, 2010: I get singed permission by the music guest of honor to perform at the fan showcase and have DJ Particle read it. The music of Mr Tambourine Man starts and just before I sing, my daughter's voice is played instead stating she purposely edited the file so I can't sing and asked me to put the mike down and let someone else sing. I repeat that in 2013 but have the file "glitch" preventing me from performing.
March 6, 2011: I walk into the room during the fan showcase as DJ Particle is making a Luke Bauer joke, shake my head in disgust, and storm out.
Feb 2013: Carrie tells me she is doing a tribute CD for Luke to be given to him in the summer and asks me to perform in it. My first thought was "Jack Bauer" but at 6:24 it was way too long and I agreed figuring it would be a bonus track worthy song.
April 2013: I figure out a way of doing a 27% length version of "Jack Bauer" where I torture the character with me singing "Mr. Tambourine Man" and after threatening to do the full song causing the spy to comply, ending it. Since I did not cover the full song and wanting to create a joke since iTunes list songs that way, wanted to call it Track 24 and have it as the 24th track on a CD.
June 1, 2013: After 2 months of rehearsing, record the two choruses and one verse on the first attempt. It took a little while with the torture scene due to exact timing but it was done in less than an hour. Since it turned out to be a 2CD set, some creative numbering was done by Devo Spice to get my track to be #24 on the second of 2CDs.
June 3, 2013: I find out the person who ran the karaoke room at Marscon who was running it in that day in 2004 died.
June 22, 2013: The CD, Worst Tribute Ever, is released and Luke is overwhelmed.
June 23, 2013: I was going to perform Track 24 as a surprise during karaoke. However, the DJ was initially uncomfortable with getting music from another source as my backing track was on my ipod and by the time he figured out how to do that without risking his computer, I was too tired and my nerves were too shot to attempt it.
June 28, 2013: Track 24 appears on DJ Particle's weekly top 20 countdown at number 17. Had my company's firewall not blocked the site's registration email confirmation, it could have been number one for that week.
January 16, 2014: I announce live on the air that I will not perform Track 24 at the upcoming Marscon Fan Showcase the way it appeared on the CD if Carrie Dahlby's indie gogo project to fund her third CD reached its goal.
March 8, 2014 (planned): Perform Track 24 at the Marscon Fan Showcase. (twist?)
Date TBD 2015 (planned): Perform Track 24 at the Marscon Fan Showcase. (twist?)
It took almost an hour to write the time line that produced a 2 minute song.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Baccarat and the NFC Championship game
Being CDO (like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order as they should be) the concept of balance was something that would often lead to losses at casino gambling as I would leave during a hot streak believing it would turn equally as cold and plodding through a cold streak expecting things to turn around.
I then read a book (probably given as a gift) that changed my philosophy logically explaining that hot streaks should be ridden and cold streaks should make a person not bet and leave the table. The phrase that stuck in my head is: A person loses once betting on a streak and wins once betting against it. Using that logic definitely made my casino trips less bad and for a short streak in 1996 profitable. Unfortunately on the trips made alone on my birthday and Dec 25 with my mom and aunt I reverted to my old form where I plodded through horrible luck on my birthday and on Dec 25 stopped early up a couple hundred and then saw the next deal where my hand would have been dealt a pair of aces.
Baccarat is the game which the streak strategy is most prevalent as there is a choice of two bets to make and the casino provides cards (and now a display) where a gambler can see the recent results.
Though I like playing that game, I usually stand out when I play it since it is located in the high stakes room where people play much more than the $10 or $15 minimum that I play and that it is by far the game preferred by players of Asian origin. On Dec 25th, the Horseshoe casino closed their craps table due to lack of players but had 18 baccarat tables filled with people many of whom took their shuttle from Chinatown.
If you have read this far you are now wondering what the hell does all this have to do with today's NFC title game versus the 49ers and the Seahawks, a game which I believe is even since the 49ers are playing better right now.
Over the previous 8 seasons there have been patterns (defined as a repeating streak of 3 or more occasions) with Super Bowl champions and participants. The last three Super Bowl champions played during the first round of the playoffs and since the 49ers are the only remaining team that did, logic would initially dictate that they will win and then in 2 weeks and that had been my thought.
However, that is not the only pattern. Before the past three years there were two winners that were a team on a bye and before that three winners that played the first round. So there is a 3-2-3 pattern which would suggest a Seattle win.
If this was happening at a baccarat table I would play the money on Seattle as long as the person representing the casino would have provided enough time for me to have made up my mind.
The AFC title game is far less complicated in my mind. Since it is going to be 60 degrees in Denver (while people in the Chicago area deal with 20s and soon sub zero lows) Peyton Manning should be able to run his offense normally which should be too much for New England and its injured receiving corp.
I then read a book (probably given as a gift) that changed my philosophy logically explaining that hot streaks should be ridden and cold streaks should make a person not bet and leave the table. The phrase that stuck in my head is: A person loses once betting on a streak and wins once betting against it. Using that logic definitely made my casino trips less bad and for a short streak in 1996 profitable. Unfortunately on the trips made alone on my birthday and Dec 25 with my mom and aunt I reverted to my old form where I plodded through horrible luck on my birthday and on Dec 25 stopped early up a couple hundred and then saw the next deal where my hand would have been dealt a pair of aces.
Baccarat is the game which the streak strategy is most prevalent as there is a choice of two bets to make and the casino provides cards (and now a display) where a gambler can see the recent results.
Though I like playing that game, I usually stand out when I play it since it is located in the high stakes room where people play much more than the $10 or $15 minimum that I play and that it is by far the game preferred by players of Asian origin. On Dec 25th, the Horseshoe casino closed their craps table due to lack of players but had 18 baccarat tables filled with people many of whom took their shuttle from Chinatown.
If you have read this far you are now wondering what the hell does all this have to do with today's NFC title game versus the 49ers and the Seahawks, a game which I believe is even since the 49ers are playing better right now.
Over the previous 8 seasons there have been patterns (defined as a repeating streak of 3 or more occasions) with Super Bowl champions and participants. The last three Super Bowl champions played during the first round of the playoffs and since the 49ers are the only remaining team that did, logic would initially dictate that they will win and then in 2 weeks and that had been my thought.
However, that is not the only pattern. Before the past three years there were two winners that were a team on a bye and before that three winners that played the first round. So there is a 3-2-3 pattern which would suggest a Seattle win.
If this was happening at a baccarat table I would play the money on Seattle as long as the person representing the casino would have provided enough time for me to have made up my mind.
The AFC title game is far less complicated in my mind. Since it is going to be 60 degrees in Denver (while people in the Chicago area deal with 20s and soon sub zero lows) Peyton Manning should be able to run his offense normally which should be too much for New England and its injured receiving corp.
Monday, December 2, 2013
They all can't be legen (wait for it) dary
Three weeks ago was my 48th birthday. Over the years that date in my life has had memorable experiences good and bad and I have found out they can happen anywhere, anytime during that date.
Over the past decade, I have attended a con and partied during the second weekend of November but this year turned out different. My 13 year old daughter was with me at the con when I was there and since staying at the hotel was too expensive as I live 20 minutes away, my plan was to take her home by 10:30, go back to the hotel, then party since I have experienced three legendary con parties that weekend over the past ten years and a few other good ones.
Unlike last year, I was able to take that Friday off work but due to bad timing, I aggravated the same injury in my left leg I have had for the past twenty years and spent the night before the con barely able to sleep due to the pain and most of my time there limping around even considering getting a cane to help walking. On Friday and Saturday I got very tired while driving my daughter home and realized I was in no shape to return to the con to party.
Last month, I noticed a flat card from a local casino offering me a free buffet on my birthday. Since everyone at my work now gets an email the first of every month advertising birthdays, I knew I could not work on my birthday without many people reminding me that I was working on my birthday and made sure I had a vacation day left to take it off.
Deciding to not donate blood that date realizing I have to state my date of birth multiple times during the donation, I made it to the casino at 10 AM to enjoy their breakfast buffet. I then realize they don't offer a breakfast buffet on Wednesday and it opens for lunch at 11:30.
I walked the sparse casino floor eventually stopping at an empty craps table. It turns out dice do not care if the person throwing them was celebrating his birthday. I went to a card table which pays like video poker. I found out those cards also did not care it was my birthday (unlike 20 years before when I was dealt a $910 winning hand of four nines in Caribbean Stud) even getting into a frustrated argument with the dealer about the odds of two cards being a pair, two cards of three matching, three cards making three of a kind, and getting a 2 (or any card) out of two cards in one hand, then getting a 2 in four two-card hands in a row like I did. (answers: 17-1, 5.8-1, 425-1, 7.62-1, 3358-1) all of which I figured out at the table with minimal use of a calculator.
Having lost my bankroll the second fastest I ever have at a casino, I still had 40 minutes before the buffet opened. Walking around I pass a three card poker table and see someone was dealt three aces. Anyway, after the people old enough to be my parents who were waiting in line for it to open went through, I presented my coupon and entered the buffet after showing the person my ID.
Being hungry, I attempted to make up my loss in very tasty food and had much more than I should. As I left the casino still bummed about my lack of luck, I was burping as I have done before after overindulging in buffet food. As I was walking to my car, I paused at the railing, leaned over, and vomited much of the buffet contents into the Fox River.
That was not the first time I vomited on my birthday but like the previous two, they were not party related. I figured a chart is in order:
Over the past decade, I have attended a con and partied during the second weekend of November but this year turned out different. My 13 year old daughter was with me at the con when I was there and since staying at the hotel was too expensive as I live 20 minutes away, my plan was to take her home by 10:30, go back to the hotel, then party since I have experienced three legendary con parties that weekend over the past ten years and a few other good ones.
Unlike last year, I was able to take that Friday off work but due to bad timing, I aggravated the same injury in my left leg I have had for the past twenty years and spent the night before the con barely able to sleep due to the pain and most of my time there limping around even considering getting a cane to help walking. On Friday and Saturday I got very tired while driving my daughter home and realized I was in no shape to return to the con to party.
Last month, I noticed a flat card from a local casino offering me a free buffet on my birthday. Since everyone at my work now gets an email the first of every month advertising birthdays, I knew I could not work on my birthday without many people reminding me that I was working on my birthday and made sure I had a vacation day left to take it off.
Deciding to not donate blood that date realizing I have to state my date of birth multiple times during the donation, I made it to the casino at 10 AM to enjoy their breakfast buffet. I then realize they don't offer a breakfast buffet on Wednesday and it opens for lunch at 11:30.
I walked the sparse casino floor eventually stopping at an empty craps table. It turns out dice do not care if the person throwing them was celebrating his birthday. I went to a card table which pays like video poker. I found out those cards also did not care it was my birthday (unlike 20 years before when I was dealt a $910 winning hand of four nines in Caribbean Stud) even getting into a frustrated argument with the dealer about the odds of two cards being a pair, two cards of three matching, three cards making three of a kind, and getting a 2 (or any card) out of two cards in one hand, then getting a 2 in four two-card hands in a row like I did. (answers: 17-1, 5.8-1, 425-1, 7.62-1, 3358-1) all of which I figured out at the table with minimal use of a calculator.
Having lost my bankroll the second fastest I ever have at a casino, I still had 40 minutes before the buffet opened. Walking around I pass a three card poker table and see someone was dealt three aces. Anyway, after the people old enough to be my parents who were waiting in line for it to open went through, I presented my coupon and entered the buffet after showing the person my ID.
Being hungry, I attempted to make up my loss in very tasty food and had much more than I should. As I left the casino still bummed about my lack of luck, I was burping as I have done before after overindulging in buffet food. As I was walking to my car, I paused at the railing, leaned over, and vomited much of the buffet contents into the Fox River.
That was not the first time I vomited on my birthday but like the previous two, they were not party related. I figured a chart is in order:
At least that is now balanced.
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