Monday, December 2, 2013

They all can't be legen (wait for it) dary

Three weeks ago was my 48th birthday. Over the years that date in my life has had memorable experiences good and bad and I have found out they can happen anywhere, anytime during that date.

Over the past decade, I have attended a con and partied during the second weekend of November but this year turned out different. My 13 year old daughter was with me at the con when I was there and since staying at the hotel was too expensive as I live 20 minutes away, my plan was to take her home by 10:30, go back to the hotel, then party since I have experienced three legendary con parties that weekend over the past ten years and a few other good ones.

Unlike last year, I was able to take that Friday off work but due to bad timing, I aggravated the same injury in my left leg I have had for the past twenty years and spent the night before the con barely able to sleep due to the pain and most of my time there limping around even considering getting a cane to help walking. On Friday and Saturday I got very tired while driving my daughter home and realized I was in no shape to return to the con to party.

Last month, I noticed a flat card from a local casino offering me a free buffet on my birthday. Since everyone at my work now gets an email the first of every month advertising birthdays, I knew I could not work on my birthday without many people reminding me that I was working on my birthday and made sure I had a vacation day left to take it off.

Deciding to not donate blood that date realizing I have to state my date of birth multiple times during the donation, I made it to the casino at 10 AM to enjoy their breakfast buffet. I then realize they don't offer a breakfast buffet on Wednesday and it opens for lunch at 11:30.

I walked the sparse casino floor eventually stopping at an empty craps table. It turns out dice do not care if the person throwing them was celebrating his birthday. I went to a card table which pays like video poker. I found out those cards also did not care it was my birthday (unlike 20 years before when I was dealt a $910 winning hand of four nines in Caribbean Stud) even getting into a frustrated argument with the dealer about the odds of two cards being a pair, two cards of three matching, three cards making three of a kind, and getting a 2 (or any card) out of two cards in one hand, then getting a 2 in four two-card hands in a row like I did. (answers: 17-1, 5.8-1, 425-1, 7.62-1, 3358-1) all of which I figured out at the table with minimal use of a calculator.

Having lost my bankroll the second fastest I ever have at a casino, I still had 40 minutes before the buffet opened. Walking around I pass a three card poker table and see someone was dealt three aces. Anyway, after the people old enough to be my parents who were waiting in line for it to open went through, I presented my coupon and entered the buffet after showing the person my ID.

Being hungry, I attempted to make up my loss in very tasty food and had much more than I should. As I left the casino still bummed about my lack of luck, I was burping as I have done before after overindulging in buffet food. As I was walking to my car, I paused at the railing, leaned over, and vomited much of the buffet contents into the Fox River.

That was not the first time I vomited on my birthday but like the previous two, they were not party related. I figured a chart is in order:

At least that is now balanced.