When you wish ...

After the January, 1987 NFL Championship Game, there was a commercial featuring MVP Phil Simms showing him winning the game. At the end a voice over mentioned that he won and asked him what is he going to do next. The answer, "I'm going to Disney world!"

For three and a half decades, that commercial is usually done following that game and has been done with other sports including the Chicago Bulls first title in 1991.

After finding out the Chicago area Weird Al Yankovic 2022 tour stop was the Friday and Saturday of the 2022 PDGA Masters World Championship (ironically similar to his 2019 Chicago appearance after the previous World Championship I played) my brain had an idea especially since I got VIP tickets for the Saturday show.

Knowing that I am playing an elite event, realized making the cut was unlikely and a parody of the Disney commercial had to be made. If I have not shown it to you, here is a link to it: https://youtu.be/Iy8-9FEGKbQ

Fortunately my daughter has gotten to the point where she can easily provide "tech support for dad" and put everything together for me but I had to get the components.

Since there was a tournament on the course my event would likely finish two months prior, it made sense to record myself "not winning". With the help of someone working the event after it was over, managed four planned shots on the blue course at Northwood Park in Morton, IL:

Hole 1 tee hitting an early tree and me shaking my head in disgust

Hole 1 putt off basket going down hill long

Hole three uphill standing fairway shot off tree

Throwing my disc golf bag

Though I wished the hole one putt rolled away as opposed to just going way long down the hill, losing my balance on three and having to run down the hill to avoid falling was unplanned and likely the result of playing two tournament rounds on the hilly blue course.

The initial plan of a shot into the water on 6 at Sunset Hills would have required me to arrive Saturday and spend the night since that is 45 minutes away from Northwood Park but was scrapped. (Of course in round three of the event I did it twice)

There were three still shots as well: 

Tournament logo

Park sign: Which was edited two days before it premiered since the initial sign of the picture did not reference the event

Weird Al on stage

For audio, know the opening had to be from Luke Ski "When You Wish Upon a Death Star" with the clank sound of the disc hitting metal after the word a. The timing of that was perfect and any disc golfer could relate to it.

Wanted music that was mocking me and my daughter found Yakety Sax which was perfect though many my age know that from British comedian Benny Hill.

For the voice over, had many ideas and then realized Luke Ski as Gilbert Gottfried would be best.

At the end, wanted only the last four notes from the Weird Al song "Albuquerque" but what was up is fine. When the video was first uploaded, there was a copyright claim and the song was credited through You Tube.

I am grateful for Luke's help and especially for my daughter taking a stupid idea of mine and working with me (which I know was not easy) making it something worth showing people.

After the video premiered about the time I expected my event to end, I tweeted Weird Al, the PDGA, and the event itself hoping it would go viral but no luck. I tried explaining it to Al when I saw him the very next day as I had VIP tickets to his Saturday show but his reaction was uncomfortable which likely was affected by how difficult it was for me to try to quickly explain it.

No christmas this year

As expected, had to explain what I call christmas to coworkers and why I won't experience it in 2023.

Though eligible to play in the 2023 Masters World's, my decision to not play is valid on all counts:

An uncomfortable round trip flight to PHX (with luggage) would be needed along with a rental car to drive to and within Flagstaff along with a seven night hotel stay since Saturday arrival and departure would be necessary. one day earlier than 2022 to adjust to the elevations and one day later in case I make the cut.

The elevation and topography of the region make navigating the courses difficult which has become a recent problem for me.

I am not good enough nor have enough disposable income to justify making the trip.

I examined the 2022 & 2023 results of the six players who made the trip from the Chicago area to play between the MA50 and MA65 divisions and discovered between them:

76 total non flex start wins in a tournament

36 C tier

29 B tier

8 A tier

3 majors

Me: zero. In 10 years, have won six total non flex start C tier events.

There were 15 times in the 18 months I was in a club, league, or tournament against one of the six. All 15 times, they scored better.

Two of the three times there were two of them, I managed to score better than one of them but finished 13 and 8 shots behind the other who won the division. The third time, I ended up doing the "walk of shame" in front of two of them standing on the 12th tee at Sunset Hills in the chase card as I hobbled to the pond in front of #6 to attempt to retrieve two discs that ended up in the pond in front of the green.

Though there were some cases where it came down to one shot, when it continuously happens, the only reason is that they are better.

As difficult as it was to not go in 2015 due to a lie, unlike the rest of the years I didn't play, this one has no one else to blame.

So, what do I need to do to (according to Natalie Ryan) "get better"?

First of all, fix the body. A person whose age equals my BMI could play in Flagstaff and that has to change. Have had moderate success over the past 6 weeks but it takes a long time to undo decades of poor eating. My grocery trip today involved more tasty desired items not in my cart than regular I purchased. The last two autumns also involved a work related issue with the left leg that no doubt contributed to unchecked weight gain that was not corrected once the issues went away.

Another personal issue is failure to walk off the course until satisfied with the result or the body says no. This has definitely caused stress related issues with the body multiple times this year. I scared myself and my card mates at an event two weeks ago with how difficult it was to get up after sitting five minutes late during round two. There have been multiple events over the past two years I could not play due to physical issues.

No doubt, there is likely a better way for me to throw a disc and there are people who can help me with that. Two of them are multi time major champions and are running a clinic in 12 days at 50 Acre Park and it makes sense for me to pay money to see if they can help me.

For some reason, knowing there is something that can be done to make me better provides comfort. It is a bit scary for me to try to be better since there will be a point where there is not much more that can be done.

If nothing else, if the body is improved, navigating courses and getting out of bed and the car will become less stressful.