Moving on

A couple years ago, I was half drunk and half naked sitting in a room with similar people and among the adult questions and games, there was a question about one's biggest regret.

All of a sudden a light clicked on in my head. Though I could babble on the many bad memories throughout the years, a revelation occurred.

Living the first 25 years of my life thinking that was all I was going to have.

I have been asked many times by others and myself "What happened?" Having a 1% intellect I often wondered how I ended up where I am today.

Once I realized when I was going to die, the idea of caring what would happen in the future was gone and acted as such.

After cheating death the weekend before 25, I realized, "what now" and eventually out of sequence with most learned about life.

In my late 30s, I discovered what is known as fandom and spent the next decade plus at scifi and gaming conventions and partied the way I wish I did when I was younger.

Today, due to pain and medication, can no longer do that. Even the idea of sitting down for a concert is now difficult. Even if my computer was still working, I would be unable to cast anymore due to pain from sitting.

Fortunately my body can handle disc golf. Since I am moving while playing, it is ok. In 2018, I decided to focus most of my spare time to my game and the results show. Most players regress as they get further in their 50s. My rating is 54 points higher than it was the day I turned 50 three years ago.

Granted, 2018 was mostly healthy for me and it shows as my game is five plus shots better than it was.

It makes sense in 2019 to try to continue my success especially with the PDGA AM Worlds next July. I also know that I am one bad move from problems as getting off a couch, getting off the floor, or even a bad dream has caused an issue.

This weekend is the yearly event where the thing referenced at the beginning happened and there will be three uniquely wrapped presents.

For me, no drinking, no partying, no games that would involve clothes being removed. I am going to thank anyone I know there for putting up with me and leave anything crazy for my now 18 year old daughter.

It will likely be the last time I ever see some of those people since I don't see myself at anything similar in the future because thinking like 1% but realizing that is wrong are two conflicting concepts that roll through my mind and going has become too much work since fighting instincts is too difficult.

Unlike those who were opponents and teammates, I will still follow them because I do care about what happens to them in the future.

I trust those there with my daughter and unless there is a need for me to be a parent, have no desire to know what she did.

Dashing in December

It was expected to hear December music playing in a Portillo's where I had to get food for a delivery. What was noted was the agonizing slow version of Silver Bells that was playing. Though the vocals were normal, the music sounded like a record player on the wrong speed.

Since I was working for Door Dash at the time, I had to restrain from "singing":

Suck my balls ... Suck my balls...
Then let me play with your titties.

I could imagine what could happen if I did that as well as with the following song:

There's no thing like blow for the holidays...
when you're tired or ragged or slow.
Just set up and knock out a couple lines... (make sniff sounds)
*sing fast* for the holidays you have get up and go.