Monday, January 8, 2018

Squaring the Super Bowl

Some people are already collecting dollars to get a Super Bowl square and some already have their numbers.

For the few that don't understand, There is a 10 x 10 grid where people pay money to sign their name on one of the squares on it. Once all money is collected, numbers from 0-9 are randomly assigned one to each column and row and one team is assigned to the column and the other to the row. Winners are determined by the last digit of the teams' scores during certain points of the game and always based on the final score.

Generally, the draw of the numbers always produces bickering among those who have numbers that are less likely to appear in football than others since teams generally score 3 or 7 points at a time.

In the 51 previous games, there are 102 finishing numbers. Here is the layout:


I was surprised by how few final scores were a 3 and double checked to confirm that is the case.

There have only been three times when the margin of victory was 10 points yielding a 6-6 in SB8 and a 7-7 in SB17 and SB30.

One thing the person who runs the pool usually tells people who draw a 2, 5, or 8 is that there can be a 2 point safety which can produce weird numbers. That is WRONG. There have been 9 safeties in Super Bowl history. Here is a list of the final scores by the teams that scored one.

How have the unusual numbers happened?

The games ending in 2 were twice caused by scoring more 6 TD than FG, once due to a kicker missing 2 PAT, and once because of a 2 point conversion.

The games ending in 5 were caused 4 times by a team scoring 5 more TD than FG and once due to a 2pt conversion.

The games ending in 8 were caused 5 times by a team scoring 4 more TD than FG and once due to a 2pt conversion.

The games ending in 9 were caused 3 times by missing PAT, twice by a safety, once by a made 2pt conversion, once by failing two 2pt conversions, and once by a team scoring 7 TD.

Thursday, January 4, 2018

The scribbles of life

Being mechanically inept shows in ways others don't even think about. No matter how many times I tried over the decades, I can't "loop the loop" in tying shoelaces. It also shows when I write or print. I am fortunate that in the 21st century that I can express myself from a keyboard or a tablet since using a typewriter on this paragraph would have taken 45 minutes due to corrections in thought and typing.

Over the past three decades, I have worked in a place where I often have to sign my name multiple times during a day. I state that if I ever became infamous that my autograph would not be worth much due to this. In the early 90s, I once received a phone call at work from a lawyer since I signed for three cartons of bowling balls four years earlier from a company that was suing the Professional Bowlers Association.

Signing my name has become less a hassle than it used to be. In the past, I would often hear a comment about my last name from someone who seemed to think that they were being funny. One time while making an appointment to get medical clearance for life insurance, the person on the other end said "You will get a call from a nurse Mr. Holmes" and then laughed before hanging up. (15 minutes later, I had a new company for insurance. I do make references about others last names but if I was dealing with that person as an employee of my company, I would not do that.)

I figure that being older has caused others to realize that I have heard it before and it is not worth the hassle.

Last week, I had to sign for a delivery that was late went to their website to screen shot to show others what time it was delivered. The driver entered the name Ken Shamrock. *sigh*

Last January, I got on a roll at the Galloping Ghost Arcade in Brookfield on a old video game called Gorf. When I was done, I realized that I finished with a score that was the third highest ever achieved in that place. Excitedly, I scribbled my name and gave them my phone number just in case they had an issue.

When my daughter visited the place a few months later, she asked me if I was making a joke since the only thing that matched my last name was the "S" and told the person about it. When I visited it last Saturday after hearing others were there, I noticed the name was corrected thanks to Carrie who mentioned it and then I beat the score making the sign incorrect again.

The 50 minutes on Gorf was not all I played that Saturday:

Monday, January 1, 2018

Pandemic Legacy Season 2 part 1

January log:

Life on the three havens Hyperion, Salvation, and Orion has become a struggle. Forecasts state we will run out of supplies before the year is over due to raids by the Hollow Men. Our leaders have become missing during their annual meeting so it is up to us now.

With a farmer named Slim and a designer named Lena, we are heading out to the land to re-establish supply lines. Fortunately we got information about North America and after giving Lena information, we established a supply center in NYC and then connected to Chicago.

While supplies were being used, we got a center set up in Lagos and then we're setting things up in Tripoli when the plague hit there. Fortunately we had a med kit or else Slim and I could have been infected.

Though the centers were eventually destroyed by the Hollow Men, the population increased in the cities and London stayed the same even though the plague hit there. Lena also figured out a way to build a supply center easier.

Instructor Bill "Coop" Cooper

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Singing in a deep and dark December

This time of year inspires me to sing mainly to avoid hearing all the happy and merry music that is played over loudspeakers at the places I visit.

I decided to keep track of what songs I sang this year and give credit to the artist who created the lyrics as well. If there is a question of the song that was playing, I will include it as well.

To my surprise I have not heard the Little Drummer Boy but was disqualified from the contest by Insane Ian's awesome parody of that song about the movie Die Hard.

It is December 21st when I first created this list and I will update this when applicable.

Bob Rivers

Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire
Walking "Round in Women's Underwear (x2)

Luke Ski

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies
Must Be Pac-Man

Art Paul Schlosser

X-Mas Morgue (x2)

Tommy Safespace

Police Shot My Dad (x2)
I'm Dreaming of Alt-Right Christmas (x3)

Bad Teenage Mustache

Glory Hole


Ding! Fries are Done

MMOTL (me)

Simply Having a Miserable Christmas Time (x2)
There's No Thing Like Blow for the Holidays
There's No Holidays
Jingle My Cock (x2)
I'll Get Blown For Christmas
Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer
All I Want For Christmas is Booze
I Hear a Crack Whore Bitch (I don't think that is what she heard)
Frosty the Ho Man
I Just Want a Piece of Ass on Christmas (Have yourself a ...)
I Want to Get a Piece of Ass on Christmas (Not a hippo)
Suck My Balls (I will have to create a version based on the Imagination trilogy of South Park)
The Mall Santa (The song Carrie Dahlby with the help of Luke Ski created that Dr. Demento played on his show last weekend. Eventually I am hoping it can be redone with her son as the kid, my daughter as an angry parent and an edit of one line which has become dated.)

Reverse parody

Meet the Flintstones (Brian Setzer parodied that song about December)

I am disappointed that I have not been able to sing Terror on Santa Claus lane but the original has yet to play around me. 


Sunday, December 10, 2017

Going against my better judgement

Since the man whose last name matches the company name on my work badge requested, I used store credit to purchase clothes and shoes to attend last night's company December party.

Here is what I experienced:

Non employee spouses or fiancees introduced to me: 24
People who asked why I am alone requiring me to explain why: 10
Combined tenure in years of two people who retired in 2017 and were honored: 86
Beers consumed: 4
Glasses of wine: 1
Minutes the alcohol in my body completely removed the pain that is normally in it: 120
Weeks since the last time I was in that situation: 108
Previous times in 22+ years at my employer I was in that situation with fellow employees: 0
People concerned about my driving home while I was pain free: 7
People who mentioned the time in 2005 where in the building I discovered that two footballs commemorating the 1972 Dolphins playoff wins had the wrong score: 3
Times I showed a pic from device to answer a question: 4
People who incorrectly claimed that John Fox was the Broncos coach when they won the Super Bowl with Peyton Manning even though I said he wasn't: 2
People who tried to get me to take a "funny" pic in the photo booth: 3
People who asked about disc golf: 3
Luke Ski reverse parodies played in a row by the DJ: 3
People who called me Kenny: 3
Times I felt obligated to reply with a non plausible greeting: 12
Facebook posts or replies made from room: 4
Facebook friend requests confirmed while sitting alone at a table while others were dancing or talking together: 1
People who played an RPG afterwords as my initial plan to watch but decided to not to do since I was in too much pain to stay as apparently the alcohol did not remove the pain in my body but banked it for when I got sober: 6

Friday, December 8, 2017

A reading from the book of work

While looking at the multiple skids that have to ship knowing there are too many for the truck, the Madman stated to the drivers, “I have let those at the destination know that all can’t ship today and they need to let me know what to send today. If they choose not to decide, they still have made a choice.”

One driver chuckled and correctly stated, “Song lyrics?”

“Freewill,” replied the Madman.

“God gave us free will,” replied the other driver.

“Really?” the Madman stated. “What about those who use modern medicine to not prolong or protect life but instead use it to prevent unwanted life or end painful ones? What about those whose sexual preference are not described with the term heterosexual monogamy? Those people according to the rules God have prescribed should be persecuted or even executed. How is that free will?”


These are the words of the Madman.

There can’t be a “god”

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

End of 2017 season recap

Due to a knee injury on October 21st, my disc golf season ended earlier than planned. I walked off the course on the 22nd with 6 to play in a tournament and had to withdraw from an event the following Sunday. Fortunately, I had yet to register for the same event in Wisconsin that I played last year on the 4th Saturday in November.

This week, I start physical therapy on my right knee which gave out during the same first step I took on a throw thousands of times this year. My doctor told me to not touch a disc until I finish therapy and I weigh less than 250 lb.

On January 1st, I set a goal to birdie 100 different holes and did that on June 29th on what I have to admit was a pulled drive that turned out perfect on a 375 ft downhill hole. I finished with 173 different holes birdied from 32 different courses. (There was one course that I played, Silver Fox, where I did not get a birdie.)

Here is a breakdown of them:


Cook County (7 courses) : 56
Du Page County (7 courses) : 30
Wisconsin (5 courses) : 30
Indiana (5 courses) : 22
Lake County (2 courses) : 17
Other IL counties (6 counties @ 1 course each) : 18

Situation getting first birdie of hole:

Practice: 116
Warmup: 13
Club event: 8
Sanctioned tournament: 36

Type of hole:

Standard: 163
Temp: 10

Multiple birdies from same tee pad to different locations: 2 (#9 Fairfield/Squaw Creek; #2 Grey Fox)
Multiple birdies from different tee pads to same location: 2 (50 Acre #1 and #8)
Longest par 3 birdie: Riemer #14 (478 feet from top of sled hill)
Number of drives off top of bucket: 4

How birdie happened:

Drive + putt: 158
3rd shot on par 5 plus putt: 1 (11 Squaw Creek Gold)
2nd shot on par 4 plus putt: 4 (best - #14 Lemon Lake Red, last hole of Homie)
Made long putt: 3 (None after popping arm in June)
Made approach shot: 5 (best #14 Lemon Lake Blue, first hole of Homie)

Aces: 2 (Jan 2 #3 Horizon Park - 160ft Red Leopard; May 14 #13R 50 Acre - 218 green Buzzz)