After today's 13th straight day of work, headed to Dellwood for a flex round event. As I got out of the car, realized between physical fatigue, the spasms in my left leg initially caused by aggravating six weeks prior the same injury to my left IT band half a lifetime ago, three walks down hills including one on the final hole where there was a three card wait, playing the event would not be feasible especially registered for one the next day.
I said hi to multiple people there, purchased a disc offered by the person running the event, and limped off towards my car holding back tears while forcing myself to leave. Though it would be nice to add to the stats, recently realized there has always been more to why I put myself through the pain, frustration, and aggravation by doing something most consider fun.
Though living past 25 was not expected as a kid, there was wonder on what would happen if I survived. Most of those dreams were never realized due to many reasons but one is still going. There was always a desire to play sport which thanks to disc golf, can do.
When I can't play, feel like a complete failure. Some of the things done in the past have compensated for it but now in 2022, realized they are no longer plausible. Still know the idea of not being alone would not be fair to anyone whom I would be with. Have declined opportunity to ask someone out not wanting to put her through me. Know that I can't clean up and head to Windycon to party which for years is where I celebrated my birthday as I am too tired to even make it to the point where parties would be open.
This year will involve one last tournament to close the season. Last year before the plan of taking a four day weekend playing courses in Peoria and Northwood Black on my birthday ended up with work, that plan was a birthday tournament out of state.
Though I upset the 15 year old version of me earlier this week by not basing my votes on race, sex, or fully functional limbs but by who is less likely to endorse or be endorsed by the person who attempted to overthrow the country and turn it into a fascist theocracy, still feel obligated to find a way to get my body out there and play the event.
