Thursday, December 21, 2017

Singing in a deep and dark December

This time of year inspires me to sing mainly to avoid hearing all the happy and merry music that is played over loudspeakers at the places I visit.

I decided to keep track of what songs I sang this year and give credit to the artist who created the lyrics as well. If there is a question of the song that was playing, I will include it as well.

To my surprise I have not heard the Little Drummer Boy but was disqualified from the contest by Insane Ian's awesome parody of that song about the movie Die Hard.

It is December 21st when I first created this list and I will update this when applicable.

Bob Rivers

Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire
Walking "Round in Women's Underwear (x2)

Luke Ski

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies
Must Be Pac-Man

Art Paul Schlosser

X-Mas Morgue (x2)

Tommy Safespace

Reichspogromnacht
Police Shot My Dad (x2)
I'm Dreaming of Alt-Right Christmas (x3)

Bad Teenage Mustache

Glory Hole

Unknown

Ding! Fries are Done

MMOTL (me)

Simply Having a Miserable Christmas Time (x2)
There's No Thing Like Blow for the Holidays
There's No Holidays
Jingle My Cock (x2)
I'll Get Blown For Christmas
Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer
All I Want For Christmas is Booze
I Hear a Crack Whore Bitch (I don't think that is what she heard)
Frosty the Ho Man
I Just Want a Piece of Ass on Christmas (Have yourself a ...)
I Want to Get a Piece of Ass on Christmas (Not a hippo)
Suck My Balls (I will have to create a version based on the Imagination trilogy of South Park)
The Mall Santa (The song Carrie Dahlby with the help of Luke Ski created that Dr. Demento played on his show last weekend. Eventually I am hoping it can be redone with her son as the kid, my daughter as an angry parent and an edit of one line which has become dated.)

Reverse parody

Meet the Flintstones (Brian Setzer parodied that song about December)

I am disappointed that I have not been able to sing Terror on Santa Claus lane but the original has yet to play around me. 

 
 






Sunday, December 10, 2017

Going against my better judgement

Since the man whose last name matches the company name on my work badge requested, I used store credit to purchase clothes and shoes to attend last night's company December party.

Here is what I experienced:

Non employee spouses or fiancees introduced to me: 24
People who asked why I am alone requiring me to explain why: 10
Combined tenure in years of two people who retired in 2017 and were honored: 86
Beers consumed: 4
Glasses of wine: 1
Minutes the alcohol in my body completely removed the pain that is normally in it: 120
Weeks since the last time I was in that situation: 108
Previous times in 22+ years at my employer I was in that situation with fellow employees: 0
People concerned about my driving home while I was pain free: 7
People who mentioned the time in 2005 where in the building I discovered that two footballs commemorating the 1972 Dolphins playoff wins had the wrong score: 3
Times I showed a pic from device to answer a question: 4
People who incorrectly claimed that John Fox was the Broncos coach when they won the Super Bowl with Peyton Manning even though I said he wasn't: 2
People who tried to get me to take a "funny" pic in the photo booth: 3
People who asked about disc golf: 3
Luke Ski reverse parodies played in a row by the DJ: 3
People who called me Kenny: 3
Times I felt obligated to reply with a non plausible greeting: 12
Facebook posts or replies made from room: 4
Facebook friend requests confirmed while sitting alone at a table while others were dancing or talking together: 1
People who played an RPG afterwords as my initial plan to watch but decided to not to do since I was in too much pain to stay as apparently the alcohol did not remove the pain in my body but banked it for when I got sober: 6


Friday, December 8, 2017

A reading from the book of work


While looking at the multiple skids that have to ship knowing there are too many for the truck, the Madman stated to the drivers, “I have let those at the destination know that all can’t ship today and they need to let me know what to send today. If they choose not to decide, they still have made a choice.”

One driver chuckled and correctly stated, “Song lyrics?”

“Freewill,” replied the Madman.

“God gave us free will,” replied the other driver.

“Really?” the Madman stated. “What about those who use modern medicine to not prolong or protect life but instead use it to prevent unwanted life or end painful ones? What about those whose sexual preference are not described with the term heterosexual monogamy? Those people according to the rules God have prescribed should be persecuted or even executed. How is that free will?”

*Silence*

These are the words of the Madman.

There can’t be a “god”