Failing to deliver

Though I wanted to take a more active role in volunteering at last year's Clash at the Canyons, my physical situation meant that it was best for me to be stationed at the stairs of course #16, Clash #3, making sure only players descended the stairs.

All Sunday, I thanked everyone for making the trip to Dellwood and got interesting replies by pros but the one made on the final group hit me hard as it was insulting.

While driving home tired and hungry decided to get myself to the point where I could justify playing MP50 in 2022 and then run into that player either in practice or at the tournament. The afternoon before the 2022 event, I am sitting on my chair with the alarm set for 3AM for work writing this finally feeling normal again after last week's Masters World's as opposed to getting ready for a Friday tee time.

Between failures of physical, game, and food, am not worthy of playing. Even if I took the recently opened last MP50+ spot, I would likely withdraw since it would not be fair to those in my group to deal with someone unqualified to play in the event. When I played my worst round in 7 years last Wednesday, I apologized for how poorly I played and even asked those at the Discraft booth if they wanted their hat back since I wore it for the round.

In the past I have stated it is wrong to expect certain results when the effort to get them is not made and that applies to me. It was humbling one week ago at this time making the "walk of shame" to get my disc out of the pond in front of basket 6 at Sunset Hills with my retriever especially walking past two local MA55+ players in the chase card waiting to play #12.

Since nothing has really changed in the past 55 weeks, now what? I know physical will improve with food and physical was a big problem last week. Similar to bowling and ball golf, I know many bad shots happen before they are attempted by either stance or the idea for the shot.

However, there has to be more than that. Thanks to lifting weights, can throw the disc farther than I used to but I know it is not enough. If I really want to get better, I need to commit and not just want.

A visiting pro has offered to give one hour lessons and though not sure how much he can help an obese arthritic 56 year old man but it makes sense for someone who spent well over a thousand dollars to play a major tournament to spend $60 to see what he can do.