When I was creating my previous post and the one that is scheduled after this, I realized something. People being confrontational or ignorant when I win is not a unique situation. I can think of dozens of times when upon success, I am met with silence, resentment, or even anger which at times has lessened or even ruined the rare moments in life where I succeeded.
Driving around making deliveries gives me time to examine things. I was searching for a common thread to the over four decades of reactions from classmates, coworkers, teammates, opponents, relatives, and friends some of which were mentioned in previous posts.
The answer is as simple as integral calculus and is most disgusting when I see it in a mirror and I am ashamed it took that long to figure it out.
That is part of the price of being a madman. The same angry and disgusted asshole when things are going bad turns into an obnoxious, pompous asshole upon success.
When I first encounter something new, restraint is necessary since revealing my unusual ideas often scare people. That is why I will often be in the corner out of the flow so I don't make a bad impression.
In any timespan from minutes to decades, fatigue, anger, pain, or life will bring out the madman and once that happens, people will remember other questionable moments and realize who I really am. No matter how hard I try to fix that, it can't be fixed and for a while, I try to avoid the shells from the egg I busted.
Once I realize it stops being worth the effort, it becomes time to walk away.
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