Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Madman Christmas Carol (excerpt three)

If you have not read my disclaimer please read this first:

From chapter 3:

December 24th at his mother's house though less uncomfortable than the following day at his in-law's is still something Ken dreads. Squeezing 15 people in a house made for at the most 4 is not his idea of fun. While sitting on the bed in the front room that is used by his father he ends up talking with his brothers-in-law (and one other person who always seems to be part of the family functions and has no where else to go) about fantasy football. "As expected, my team is in the title game again and after this TOUCHDOWN! I believe my team is a winner. So when will I get my money?" Ken asks his brother-in-law.

"What do you mean expected? You have not won in a while and you only are going to win this year because you got lucky with a draft pick in the 11th round."

"Since this is the first time in the past three years the draft was held on a day that I could make it and I was not violently ill I knew I would have the best team and unlike the time before when other teams colluded to prevent me from winning, it did not work."

"As I said, there was no collusion; they were just negligent with taking care of their teams and it hasn't happened since. Can I give you the money New Year's Eve?"

"That will be fine. I believe that had I not called out the league then it would have happened this year too. I do appreciate your efforts when I noticed discrepancies with other team's lineups."


In the kitchen where his wife was talking to his mom and sister, "When I walked in you were talking about what game to play after opening presents. I did bring a couple of ones I got including the one I texted you from Gencon Indianapolis about getting to see if it would work well here."

"It's ok," Ken's sister replied. "We'll be fine with what we have."

"It does not involve trivia and it is something no one can accuse me of cheating even though I don't."

"What do you mean you don't cheat?" Ken's wife chimes in.

"I don't need to cheat."

"That baseball trivia question you answered so fast. You had to have looked at the card before."

"You think I need to look ahead at a question involving BASEBALL?" Ken emphasizes. "The question itself led to only one answer and since I had the crafty Arizona Diamondbacks left handed pitcher Brian Anderson on my fantasy baseball team in 2003 when he missed a start after playing too many video games, I knew it and answered right away."

"I still don't know why Randy Johnson is not considered a crafty pitcher."

"Randy Johnson threw the ball 95 miles per hour. That makes him a power pitcher, not a crafty one. I have told you that many times in the last three years."

"I have never heard the word crafty ever used in describing a pitcher."

"That is because like most Cubs fans you don't understand a thing about baseball!" Ken angrily replied as his wife stormed out of the room.

Returning his attention to his mom and sister, "It takes a lot of nerve to state 'wheel' is not a valid answer to 'things in the sky' in Scattegories by claiming a wheel is not a tangible object in the sky when you have St. William on your sheet!" Ken proclaims while grabbing a celery stick and heading back to watch the football game.

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