A reading from the Book of Madman

A coworker woke one morning and discovered to his horror that his wife passed away during the night.

Out of courtesy, an appearance was made at the funeral home though he left well before someone came by to start the unnecessary chanting that has been experienced.

The next day a different coworker, the one who in the past claimed Halloween must be the favorite holiday because of his association with Satan asked how she looked.

The monotone reply, "Dead."

"What do you mean?"

"She is in a casket and not breathing. How else would she look?"

An hour later was called into the HR office because it was reported that jokes were being made about the situation. Had the initial thought of adapting John Cleese's monologue made during the dead parrot sketch which was used to euthanize Graham Chapman been presented, could understand but stating a dead person looked dead gave them nothing to stand upon.

This is why I no longer attend any memorial service unless I could recognize the deceased in a police lineup.

"Masters qualifying"

I tell people the US Disc Golf Championship is the equivalent to the ball golf Masters in that it is held at one course that very few are able to play outside the event, it is treated differently than other tour events, and that qualifying is similar. (The Professional Disc Golf Association in an article quoted this opinion and attributed it to me.)

A few years ago, a women's division was created but unlike the mixed one, it is not a major since the US Women's Open is one.

Other than past winners, qualifying for those two events held on the campus of Winthrop University in South Carolina in October happens throughout the year and the top finishers not already qualified in selected events get a spot to the main event.

Last weekend had a non tour event serve as a qualifier. Called Throw Down the Mountain, it is held on a former quarry site which might in the future get a larger event since six time world champion Paul McBeth teamed up with White Sox pitcher Dylan Cease to purchase the property to make the temp course there permanent.

As expected, Paul McBeth beat the weaker field fairly comfortably and the next four finishers gained the berth to the USDGC, one of which was settled in a playoff. The controversy happened in the FPO division.

The day after the event, the MAGA mom of twins one who finished third and the other losing a playoff posted to multiple forums claiming her daughter won and deserves the berth since the playoff winner, Natalie Ryan, should not be allowed to compete in FPO being transgender. (The exact ignorant words won't be quoted in this blog)

The pro tour and PDGA won't allow her to compete on tour and in majors but will allow the #9 ranked FPO player to play other events this one only having one other player ranked in the top 50. (There is a lawsuit in California about her not being allowed on tour).

As someone replied, "I will refer to someone by however the choose to identify themself but bodies play this event and hers is not female." When I watch her throw a disc, I see an MA1 player and not an FPO and I agree with that idea.

Having a daughter, can relate to the parent. One youth soccer game, I reported a different park district after overhearing one parent state the team had players older than allowed.

Had my daughter lost an opportunity to play at Winthrop to a trans woman, even if she would finish as far out of first as I did in the world's, there would be a desire to approach Natalie with my phone recording, knee her in the nuts, and while she is reacting, ask the camera how she is allowed to play FPO.

Marscon 2023 by the numbers

Hours at work in 32 day span between Feb 5 and Mar 8: 267

Minutes delayed Thursday morning due to work issue that was discovered as I was about to put on my coat: 60

Percentage of area in trip to Minnesota under a winter storm warning: 33

Stops made on trip there: 2

Miles driven while snow fell: 180

Mph reduced due to snow: 5

Speedway employees whose day was made when I quoted Marty McFly as coworker was putting water in the pizza warmer: 1

Total time on trip there: 6hr, 15min

Time less in minutes than second fastest trip taken to Marscon since 2004: 45

Hotel hot tubs no longer operational likely due to law requiring full access and a device to provide it: 2

Pedal turns on fitness room stationary bike made before realizing due to left knee issues, can't: 4

Minutes on treadmill: 25

Times waking up in night and forcing myself to go back to sleep: 3

CDs owned of former Marscon music GOH who joined me for breakfast Friday morning: 4

Stops with a different past Marscon music GOH for purchases related to activities within the hotel: 4

"Random" pictures inspired by Jomez Pro taken inside Mall of America that I wanted to take: 12

Pictures I found the correct place to take: 6

Styles of shoes found in Famous Footwear close what I have worn for years: 1

Total shoes of that style on display, none of which fit me: 9

Minutes spent at MOA store discussing disc golf and other things with two employees the version of me one third my age would be too afraid to do so: 20

Minutes after wondering if non disc golf item seen at that store should be purchased which would require me to exchange same item purchased at store from earlier but realized that the item from original purchase was not with me: 10

Years since a woman made me moan with pleasure at Marscon: 11

Number of times left knee popped while getting on feet after her 20 minute therapeutic massage on the rest of the leg was over: 3

Friday night performers: 5

Those I saw in room while fighting sleep: 2

Total pictures taken of those on stage: 3

Reactions to one of the pictures I posted either by me or someone who reposted it: 20

Air pressure in PSI in right rear tire at 7:40 AM after warning light appeared on dash: 25

Length in inches of metal trailer hitch pin found by Discount Tire employee embedded in that tire: 2.5

Total time there in minutes leaving with repaired tire at no cost: 35

Streak of consecutive years playing disc golf on Marscon Saturday morning stopped since the area course had too much snow to play: 6

Total table 27 merch sales made through installed app on my tablet which was used as backup to main one: 12

15 second videos taken of Klingon Pop Warrior who as explained by name sings popular songs in Klingon: 3

Characters on screen who interacted with Steve Goodie during his performance: 3

People who wanted Robbie Ellis CD immediately after his entertaining performance ended: 10

Others who pre paid for Luke Ski's new CD thinking they were not going to make the trip this year and wanted him to have the money ahead of time to help cover the initial cost of making them: 0

Performers GOH Bonnie Gordon joined on stage to do song she did with them: 2

Projects Bonnie Gordon did that I was unaware she had done: 2

Party rooms on 11th floor which an adult beverage was acquired in attempt to remove enough inhibition to perform "song" in Space Oddity room since the attempt to turn my idea into a dumb parody morphed into a 12 line filk song: 5

Total minutes they were consumed: 30

Number of Mario Kart races played drunk (which was the theme of that party): 2

Seconds in first game from go to realizing R3 and not R2 was the gas: 10

Actual main stage performers with equipment who were jamming in Space Oddity by the time I had courage to try my song making me realize the opportunity was lost: 6

Number of sci Fi/fandom conventions Robbie Ellis and his wife attended before Marscon: 0

People confused Sunday morning with my reasoning behind betting the Cubs to win the 2015 National League Championship based on Back to the Future 2: 4

People who made table 27 purchase in the 45 minutes before first Sunday concert started: 5

Acts on Sunday morning before Dumb Parody ideas: 3

Participants in DPI: 15

Finalists: 11

References to other parodies performed in contest by winning entry: 12

Acts who finished music track with cover: 10

Tom Lehrer covers which will be part of an upcoming CD featuring covers of his material: 2

Generations from one family performing together on stage for one number: 3

Classic comedy songs I knew would be performed as the artist died within the week before the convention: 2

People dressed in the costume from the Fish Heads video for the finale: 13

Temp leaving hotel: 0°C

Minutes to drive first 69 miles to Menomonee Speedway station: 60

Minutes to get back on I-94 waiting for overturned pickup truck in ditch half mile past exit to be removed: 55

Miles past Millston rest area where contents from previous night's 11th floor experience were expurged to exiting snow covered highway realizing it was best to get a hotel: 45

Team when arriving at hotel: -4°C

Time from hotel to hotel: 4hr, 30 min

Miles covered: 197

Time first awake on Monday with plan to go to work after hotel breakfast: 5AM

Time actually getting out of bed on Monday: 730

Temp leaving hotel: -5°C

Places in Wisconsin Dells would have seriously considered stopping if I was 15 years younger: 3

Time for 197 miles from hotel to home: 3hr 30 min

Temp at home: 0°C

Number of times after talking with Robbie Ellis thought it might have been funny to show him that my phone is set to centigrade: 4

Purchases made from dealer room: 1

CDs purchased by those who performed: 5

Of those people who currently or have lived in Illinois: 4

Attendees now known by different first name compared to when I met then first: 3

Others there who live in the expanded Chicagoland metropolitan area: 10

Of those how many I had seen in person within the 360 days between Marscon 2022 & 2023: 1

Though no candy bars were consumed, number of places eaten that serve food considered unhealthy: 10

Birdie recap 2022

When one keep stats on specific holes birdied, can produce this:

Different holes birdied: 236

Of those:

Birdied by more than one disc: 73 (Disc attributed to birdie)

Birdied for first time in 2022: 76

On a new perm hole and or tee in 2022: 18

Temp hole: 13

Hole replaced or pulled in 2022: 17

Par 4 (by a MA55 player): 9

Par 5 (by a MA55 player): 1

First birdie with a disc obtained in 2022: 20

First birdie with a disc lost in 2022: 9

A 75 minute (or further) drive from my house: 31

In Minnesota: 6

In Indiana: 3

In Michigan: 2

By throwing a roller off the tee: 5

By throwing a disc in the basket with a non putting throw: 2

Hitting metal either pole, cage, chains, or top band on first shot: 10

Aces: 0

2022 recap

Since I will be working on Dec 31 and not playing a one round event, my season ended in November.

Here is a chart listing the 41 total rated rounds:

The higher the par rating, the more difficult the round played. There were multiple times where a course played 3-4 shots more difficult due to weather be it high winds, rain, or cold. 

Just like 2021, my highest rated round was in October at 50 Acre in bad weather. The lowest rated round (and lowest in 5 years) started 15 hours after walking a round at Sunset Hills (which caused me to respect the FPO players who do that) followed by players dinner and fly mart the fifth day in a row playing and my legs had nothing.

I was surprised to realize that only 20 of the 41 rounds had a par rating over 900. It felt like due to weather and playing Worlds, it would be higher.

Second chart shows by hole:

The mixed layout in Round Lake as well as multiple layouts at Dellwood skip some hole numbers. 

Unlike the par ratings which went by what was listed on the site, the birdies listed are from the point of view of a MA55 player as opposed to someone significantly better than me.

An open letter to Spotify

I appreciate that the muffled lyrics sung by the eight-year-old cartoon character wearing an orange hoodie were listed along with those by a piece of talking poop in a song about Mary but I wish to register a complaint.

I had to pull my car over along the expressway to check my phone since that song was followed by Holly Jolly Christmas thinking it was added to my play list in error only to discover it was recommended by the app itself. Though I appreciate suggestions, only want them seen when searching for more songs. 

When driving this time of year, want to hear songs from an English Python member, two east coast people, or three originally from Kingston, Ontario, Canada that share my point of view as well as December songs about John McClane, cooking done of chipmunks or by a senile woman, a father getting sick during dinner, a thong, pegging, crescent city residents going on a slay ride, Santa doing a similar thing at the North Pole, a world run by robot overlords, or a medley of songs mocking the warped point of view taken in late 2016 by people who eventually supported the man that attempted to overthrow the US turning it into a fascist theocracy, the title initially inspired by my desire to create a parody of a Bing Crosby song from the point of view of the man who shoehorned a Lincoln's birthday celebration into a movie so he could perform in blackface.

I NEVER want to hear a happy song from Burl fucking Ives.

Scoring: One point for every song referenced that is on my December Spotify playlist with an additional point if you read the end of the first line in the voice of John Cleese.

0 points: You are likely normal and possibly a 2022 inductee into the Illinois Disc Golf Hall of Fame.

1-3 points: You are likely a current or former coworker of mine who had to listen to my babble or sharing of music.

4-6 points: You likely know almost or all the songs but the clues are not clear enough to figure out.

7+ points: Thank you for putting up with me.

The dreams we had

After today's 13th straight day of work, headed to Dellwood for a flex round event. As I got out of the car, realized between physical fatigue, the spasms in my left leg initially caused by aggravating six weeks prior the same injury to my left IT band half a lifetime ago, three walks down hills including one on the final hole where there was a three card wait, playing the event would not be feasible especially registered for one the next day.

I said hi to multiple people there, purchased a disc offered by the person running the event, and limped off towards my car holding back tears while forcing myself to leave. Though it would be nice to add to the stats, recently realized there has always been more to why I put myself through the pain, frustration, and aggravation by doing something most consider fun.

Though living past 25 was not expected as a kid, there was wonder on what would happen if I survived. Most of those dreams were never realized due to many reasons but one is still going. There was always a desire to play sport which thanks to disc golf, can do.

When I can't play, feel like a complete failure. Some of the things done in the past have compensated for it but now in 2022, realized they are no longer plausible. Still know the idea of not being alone would not be fair to anyone whom I would be with. Have declined opportunity to ask someone out not wanting to put her through me. Know that I can't clean up and head to Windycon to party which for years is where I celebrated my birthday as I am too tired to even make it to the point where parties would be open.

This year will involve one last tournament to close the season. Last year before the plan of taking a four day weekend playing courses in Peoria and Northwood Black on my birthday ended up with work, that plan was a birthday tournament out of state.

Though I upset the 15 year old version of me earlier this week by not basing my votes on race, sex, or fully functional limbs but by who is less likely to endorse or be endorsed by the person who attempted to overthrow the country and turn it into a fascist theocracy, still feel obligated to find a way to get my body out there and play the event.