Marscon 2022 by the numbers

Days before event confirmed I would be able to attend: 3

Vacation days used to attend in 2004-05/2006-2012/2013-2016: 2/6/10

Vacation days able to take in 2022: 1

Days between previous vacation day and that Friday that were not spent in a hotel emergency room: 203

Hours between home from work Thursday and planning to leave Friday: 9 1/2

Minutes spent Friday morning trying to convince daughter to "call in sick" to work and go with me: 30

Times on way there stopped at place where "dementia fun bus" would stop: 2

Professional Disc Golf Association major championships won by Barry Schultz whose round at Wakanda Park in Menomonie (do-do-do-do-do), WI in May 2007 was his second highest rated round in 30 years: 15

People I know who also played in that event: 2

Holes played there played as the weather, high winds, and snow/ice made playing the whole course dangerous: 1

People at the Arby's in Menomonie (do-do-do-do-do) who looked at me in various levels of disgust after I played Ross Childs video singing "Menomonie, do-do-do-do-do" then laughing: 8

Decades I showed a similar look to those who made a reference after hearing my last name: 5

Total time from leaving home to arriving at Bloomington Hilton: 8hr, 20min

Wind chill when arriving at hotel: -15°F

Other people who saw picture taken in a hotel hot tub on Thursday and were disappointed to find out that hotel pool is closed: 3 

Years room key card from my previous stay at Marscon was in my wallet before being replaced by 2022 room key: 6

Items on limited hotel restaurant menu whose names were inspired by sci Fi: 7

Minutes between food arriving at table and Luke Ski getting phone call requiring him to head to head to the main stage: 0

Music artists who had items for sale at Table 27: 8

Formats the music could be purchased: 5 (download card, CD, LP, cassette, 8 track)

Books written by "Bad Beth" that were available: 2

Artists performing on Friday: 3

Active parties on floor 11: 3

Temp in Bloomington, MN at 6 AM on Saturday morning: -1°F

Miles from Hilton to Cedarcrest Park: 2.5

Temp on car at 10 AM to play 9 hole short disc golf course there: 8°F

Tees covered by snow and ice forcing me to use app and GPS to find: 7

Tees unsafe due to ice causing the shot from alternate spot to be much more difficult: 1

Baskets completely surrounded by ice causing me to use 16 foot extendable pole to safely get disc: 1

Score on course: 24/ -3

Number of consecutive years playing disc golf on Marscon Saturday when water aerobics would be happening: 6

Number of years playing disc golf on Dec 25: 4

Number of years playing disc golf at Dellwood on Sept 25: 3

Artists who decided to make a long drive to Marscon after hearing they were a Logan Award finalist: 3

Times over weekend someone was singing on stage with a box on their head: 2

Signs used by music GOH TV's Kyle during set: 6

Songs performed from new album L'il Delli released as TV's Kyle got on stage to start their set: 19

Of the 15 Logan Award finalist entries, ones I had heard or seen before the ceremony: 4

Total number of Logan Award finalist appearances by Insane Ian without winning who released a compilation CD of them for the weekend: 13

Percentage of Logan Award finalists in the 11 years that were by Insane Ian: 8.4

Odds of not winning once in those 13 finalists including two for the same category same year: 19.4 - 1

With the win in 2022, number of Logan Awards won the the Boobies, a collaboration of artists creating Beatles parodies about boobs with all proceeds going towards breast cancer research: 2

First year taking a "flippie" of a large Pepsi sign in the Mall of America south food court expressing my unhappiness about their exclusive contract with all restaurants there: 2011

Adult beverages consumed at the limited number of parties no doubt affected by COVID and virus protocols: 0

People who performed "nerdlesque" late Saturday evening: 5

Temp Sunday morning when I returned to Cedarcrest Park to play another nine: 38°F

Score there: 23/ -4

Different holes holes birdied in 2 days: 6

Cans of Coke Zero left in hotel fridge: 3

Age of oldest main stage full show performer when youngest one was born: 47

Number of Luke Ski performed songs that were released before youngest performer was born: 4

Number of photographs of me in the ten minute Marscon through the years picture presentation created by "mom Ski" : 10

Number of entries in Dumb Parody Ideas: 9

Number of entries that surprised the on stage tech assistant by actually providing a background track to their idea: 2

People who ended up eating at MOA north food court after convention making me ponder whether to let boss know I am "having car issues" and won't be back until Tuesday: 14

Safe for 10 year old pictures shown to Alex Ann of her parents at Marscon before she was born: 8

Time passing by Hilton on way home: 7:02PM.

Minutes on drive home when asked by text message to join others for a game in hotel lobby: 111

Wait at Menomonie Speedway for cash register to reboot after accidental scan of QR code instead of UPC code caused it to crash: 4 minutes

Gas mileage from Portage, WI "Tron Skillet" area to Menomonie Speedway: 19.8 mpg

Gas mileage from Menomonie Speedway to Beloit Speedway: 22.4 mph

Difference in gas prices between Speedway location in Beloit, WI and Bensenville, IL: 58 cents

Tracks on Insane Ian CD Illinoise started while crossing border: 17

Time home: 1:22 AM

Hours asked to come in early on Monday after two coworkers called in: 3

Hours from when I got home to heading back to work at regular time: 9 1/4

Hours from when table 27 was closed until final sales report was sent and badge could be officially removed: 29

The end of days

While contemplating mortality and the estimate of my death, realized it is time to write another story. I know it begins the Saturday before my 25th birthday when death is avoided and figured the ending as such:

As the clock approaches 5:30 in the bar, the madman thanks everyone for listening to his story. He expresses regret for those he harmed having learned a long time ago that fixing the past is as futile as trying to get an egg back into the busted shell.

The crowd erupts in pleasure as he offers everyone a shot to drink with him. The madman holds up the glass and proclaims, "Half a lifetime ago, I determined this was the moment I was going to die. However, at this time, I feel well and actually am not in any pain. To 'Now what'.

"Now what", the bar patrons reply.

After putting the glass down, "I AM THE MADMAN AND HAVE ONCE AGAIN CHEATED DEATH! DEAL WITH IT!"

He immediately collapses on the floor as the stunned patrons look in shock. The view changes to a hospital room. On the white board is a note stating the exact same date. There is a loud beep that is turned off and the radio is playing in the background. "Time of death 5:32PM."

A bunch of detectives enter the room and talk to a woman sitting in a chair with a notepad. "Did he say anything about the bodies or the money?"

"For the past couple hours he was babbling incoherently. He then shouted at the top of his lungs then died."

"Thank you for your time."

While they leave the room the DJ starts to speak, "A couple weeks ago we got a letter with a request to play Joy by Apollo 100 at this exact time. So as requested here it is." The music plays while the staff starts to work with the corpse.

The madman on the loose is dead and by one person, the world is a better place.

Season recap

Due to things at my work being busy as well as a physical situation which I am grateful that it happened in mid November and not next June or early July, my 2021 disc golf season ended in early November. Though I could have tried to play a one round event or club round, need to focus on getting better especially since playing or navigating a course could make things worse.

In spite of missing many events due to multiple physical issues suffered in 2021, still played more rated rounds and earned more points than any previous year. Though my highest rated round and two others equalling my previous best round in 2018 were played this year, I have struggled overall.

The color of my rating reflects how difficult I perceived the course I played. I also decided to list the rating for an even par round for all tournament rounds only since league rounds generally have fewer players. I did not think having a hazard penalty apply for make that much a difference but the two most difficult events were on them as well as the Northwoods Park blue course event. Granted consistent wind at Round Lake and severe winds at Kress Creek made the hazard rounds worse. Even with par as I perceive it, the six rounds at 50 Acre played without high winds and driving rain were the easiest.

The rated birdies chart is based on what I believe par is for me and for the Valparaiso event, I used the event hole number as opposed to the course one since there were merged holes. Had I played the Clash pro event, would have done the same thing

Was surprised that #1 produced the most birdies.

Being the outsider

Here is a chart listing the current status of the 30 other people who share one or both of my grandmothers. Born from the early 1950s to the late 1970s through five different couples as the idea of having many kids was still common since many used to die young but thanks to medical advances, the only child medical deaths were in infancy and are not included.

Except for the one who is incapable of being in a relationship, I am the only uncoupled person among the living 27. I also believe at age 33, was among the oldest to have their first wedding.

As it has been over two years since the divorce, am occasionally asked if I am dating or interested in doing so. Though instincts work, any thought of acting upon them inspires memories that make it a bad idea so when acting upon those instincts are rejected, it is not a bad thing.

Though some memories deal with things specific to those who were in a relationship with me, many of those memories are not. Over the past ten years, have heard new terms used to describe what I generally did in relationships and to be honest, I really don't want to put someone else through dealing with the madman. The phrase "I know my ex is an idiot because she married me" is less a comment about her intelligence but more an indictment of me and that phrase itself is an example of this.

A lot of how I behave towards potential partners is still instinctive most of which was developed at home and in school by the time I was 15. There are a group of people who don't understand why I would not want to spent my birthday remembering those moments while wondering when the next person would ridicule me for how I talk, acted, or how ugly I am.

When I reluctantly joined those people a few years ago most with their partner, there were thoughts that if shared would not go over well and thanks to my reply to a generic post a few months later, one person apologized for how I was treated back then. My desire to thank in person was awkward as a another person was there no doubt to make sure I would not do anything weird.

In the 21st century, I realized some important things. First is that I will never figure out phase two to allow me to profit in phase three. When I was growing up knowing how mathematically and logistically dominant my mind is, never even realized that there needed to be a phase two.

Also realized that it makes no sense to support the political organization whose ideas currently fall in place with the 15 year old version of me. I am positive that had COVID-19 actually been COVID-2000, that I would be among the many mask/vaccine deniers who would have wanted to do what it took to prevent certain people from entering the country, casting a vote, or confirming an election that would undo many things to "make America great".

Though aware that those thoughts are dated, my instincts still kick in like wishing I registered for today's event involving whom I refer as my equivalent of Serena Williams and my "desire to prove that female pro divisions should play for less money than open ones". Unfortunately the chance to break the tie from the Thanksgiving weekend 2019 event won't happen in the 2021 event after being advised by my boss to not make any weekend plans if I am interested in earning money to pay for the ER visit and the car repair needed to make to allow me to renew my plates and to reduce the chance I slide off the road in winter.

It is also a good thing that some of the parodies I have created will never leave my brain, the lyrics to melodies I occasionally hum are not known by those around me, and that no coworker used Google to find out what I meant when referring to the coworker who kept my wife while she was in labor on hold for ten minutes while refusing to page me as "duck butter".

As my trip to Peoria was cancelled due to multiple things, thought about Windycon and trying to relive the awesome birthdays I had there. However, the nights of partying let alone staying up past midnight are in my past along with betting on horses as well as a casino trip which on this date caused me to lose my bankroll almost as fast as the complimentary birthday buffet when my attempt to emulate John Pinette to make up my loss turned into one of Mr. Creosote in the parking lot.

The thought of a strip club also happened until realizing that the idea of scantily dressed women 40% my age trying to get as much money out of me was only made worse by the idea one of them could be from the same graduation class as my daughter.

Since I need to work today at my full time job, not sure if I could get in a disc golf round since the initial special plan of Northwood Park Black is not happening. Might play before or maybe a glow club round after.

A few years ago had an opportunity and made a financial transaction to not feel alone for an hour but it felt awkward since I felt obligated to ask for permission as opposed to acting instinctively and letting someone whom I paid to be with me tell me when something is not allowable.

As personal evolvement continues in what I perceive to by the last quarter of my life, maybe an opportunity will arise and I find another person with whom I could spend time. If that happens, it will be awkward but ... no. It would only cause pain.

Being the "bad guy".

With the Disc Golf Pro Tour Championship this week, I will be once again stating that the payout will be unfair in replies about the event.

Once again me stating that the FPO getting the same top prizes and the MPO is wrong will cause people to call me out.

I will use the example of #18 at the final round at this year's Pro Worlds to show the extreme difference in similar shots under similar situations made by the 5x MPO and FPO world champions and it won't matter.

I will explain that just like in 2019 where I did not want to see the #1 FPO player play a course designed for the top MPO players and her status compared to top MPO players was similar to my status compared to the top MA50 players at the am Worlds earlier that year.

I will also explain that comparing a player half my age to me would be unfair but comparing a nine time FPO major champion who is over 50 would be and that the last time both her and I played the same course at the same time in the same event we shot the same score.

Bring it on.

Seeing the light

Many who have worked with me have seen me catch the light wrong and have problems seeing for about 15-20 minutes followed by a migraine. I have realized not turning on a light while loading or unloading a truck and wearing a hat at work helps prevent that from happening. I also realized my incidents happened when tired and being unable to get enough sleep.

Since I start at noon at my new job, have not had one this year until today:

With transition lenses, playing disc golf has never been an issue. I would wake up early anyway so I would rarely be tired on the course. However, have not slept well this week. 

On my 16th of an 18 round, was in the one wooded hole on a course on a day when it ranged from dark clouds to sunny. With my glasses clear was walking to the basket when catching the sun wrong and there was a bright light in my field of vision to finish the round. Somehow was still able to make putts and got an MA55+ birdie 3 on the flat 525 hole to end my round.

It went away before I left but it was followed by a bad migraine. I stopped for food and drank a lot of water and Coke Zero. I barely got home before my body emptied from both ends.

Tried delivering a few hours later but realized was not up for it.

Making disc golf fun

Most who have seen me play disc golf in clubs, leagues, and tournaments know I generally don't have fun playing the sport. Be it physical issues, playing 850 ability with 1050 intensity, or being an impatient old man, I usually am miserable on the course and often need assistance unloading after driving home (especially after this year's Northwood Park event) and am grateful to now start work at noon giving me a chance to be mostly functional at work the day after an event.

That leaves many to ask why would I do this? Statistics. The enjoyment I get is entering information onto multiple spreadsheets. For the 2021 season, there is one for event recap and another for rated birdies which will be posted at the end of the year.

Another one I keep is individual course data. Among listing best round and best rating at each course, also list all the different birdies achieved per course. 

For counting, multiple tees count individually as well as multiple basket locations, temp holes and baskets, and tees or baskets which have been moved. I am at 511 total lifetime holes birdied.

The other chart is overall different holes birdied per year. I keep track of date of first birdie, tee, basket location, if it is the first time getting a birdie on that hole, and disc used for the first two to get it referencing if it is a par 4 or 5, approach shot (throw in), long putt, or metal hit on drive. This year's total count is currently 183 done at 30 courses (counting the white and gold layouts at Fairfield Park in Round Lake)

This is what I find to be fun. Without data to enter from my play, no fun can be had. To those who find this weird, please refer to the title of the blog.