December music

For a long time, I have changed words to songs mainly played in December even before I discovered that others have made recordings. Today, I often recite them especially in my head at work.

Here is a quiz to guess whether the December parody idea or recording is mine, someone else's, or a combination (three dots mean a gap in lyrics since I didn't want the post to be too long);

1: Come they told me to Nakatomi.

2: You better watch out and cover your eyes. You better not look, I'm telling you why. The mall Santa pulled his pants down.

3: A lay in a manger; no need for a bed. There's room to have coitus; there's room to give head.

4: Rudolph the brown nosed reindeer; soon he will be history.

5: Here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus Lane. With a machine gun and lots of ammo, starts blowing children away.

6: Sir we gotta buy this thong, for my momma please ... I want it to be beautiful if momma nailed Santa tonight.

7: I'm dreaming of Alt-right Christmas ... and may all Amerikkka be white.

8: Oh Christmas tree; oh Christmas tree. The fucking dog just peed on it.

9: Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. Hot sauce dripping from their toes.

10: City sidewalks, lonely man stalks looking for a good time ... Suck my balls. Suck my balls; then let me play with your titties.

11: Now my DM is a curmudgeon; he trapped me in a dungeon. I hope these dice will save my troll. Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll.

12: Hark the Herald Tribune rings advertising wondrous things.

13: There's no thing like blow for the holidays ... Just set yourself up with a couple lines; for the holidays you'll have get up and go.

14: Police shot my dad ... Police shot my dad for bring black since did nothing bad.

15: Make yourself a realistic wish list. Do you look at price?

16: Put on some eye shade and join the parade walking 'round in women's underwear.

17: Frosty the ho man ... First he finds them dates then he sets the rates for 40 bucks she'll suck your cock.

18: There's no holidays ... Just holy days for the foolish. There's no holidays. Screw you.

19: All I want is naught for Christmas. There's not one thing that I need. If you go and get a present, that is an insult to me.

20: Hark I hear bells, charity bells, ringing today, six weeks away?

21: We wish you a Merry Christmas and please buy our beer!

22: Who is the guy that's yellow and round? PacMan is the guy that's yellow and round. 

23: Jingle my, jingle my, jingle my cock.

24: I saw daddy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night

25: It's my last Christmas and I'm falling apart ... for I am a dying shell of a man.

26: Walking 'round the dead bodies at the Christmas party morgue

27:  It's the most wonderful time of the year. There'll be much nipple-sucking and everyone fucking a dead rotting deer.

Answers:

1: Insane Ian and Bonecage "Die Hard Christmas (2016)

2: Me (80s initially) that Carrie Dahlby turned into a full version of a song in '06.

3: Playboy December edition early 90s

4: Initially late 80s song played on Dr. Demento Show by Rudy and the Reindeer. That line I created.

5: Me (80s) song "Terror on Santa Claus Lane" where first verse explains Santa gunning down patrons at a parade and next verse trying to figure out why. That idea ended up applying to the Mall Santa song when stating he forgot his meds. This was before Weird Al's "The Night Santa Went Crazy" was released.

6: Robert Lund "The Christmas Thong" ('08) Written by Spaff

7: both - Song is from Tommy Safespace and the Libtards "It's an Alt-right Christmas" ('16) that features parodies of songs from the warped point of view by many who celebrated the 2016 presidential election (and 2024) results.

When I first saw the movie Holiday Inn during the late 90s, was surprised an inn only open on holidays was open on Lincoln's birthday being 2 days before Valentines Day. This was done so Bing Crosby could do a song in blackface so I started to parody White Christmas from the point of view of a man who did that Lincoln song.

After the 2016 election, the phrase Alt-right became popular and I posted to Facebook that my brain was making that song and someone with far more musical talent than me turned it into a full medley of songs. The second line of the song "the madman told me so" references me providing the idea.

8: Me (80s) My mom was hammering a nail to hang a wreath and the dog peed on it.

9: Bob Rivers (2000)

10: Me (80s)

11: Luke Ski "It's an Fanboy Christmas" (2000) A compilation of December parodies with a sci-fi theme. The format of the song was used for the "It's an Alt-right Christmas" song

12: Tom Lehrer A Christmas Carol (1959)

13: Me ('20)

14: Tommy Safespace - A different parody from the 2016 song.

15: Carla Ulbrich ('24)

16: Bob Rivers ('93)

17: Playboy early 90s

18: Me ('20)

19: Me ('24) Contrived while doing this list

20: Me ('10) Hearing the Salvation Army bells at Yorktown Mall on my 45th birthday which is exactly 6 weeks before Christmas. 

21: Stan Freberg Green Chri$tma$ (1958)

22: Luke Ski "It's an Fanboy Christmas 3" ('10)

23: Me (80s)

24: Kip Adotta ('84) who is known for the song "Wet Dream"

25: Me ('16) Yes, I would deserve to go to hell but since hell was created by people in charge who wanted to discourage others from rebellion against the rulers, that is not plausible.

26: Art Paul Schlosser ('04) I bought that CD the day Tony Goldmark turned 21.

27: ShoEboX from Worm Quartet - He doesn't generally do parodies but the ones he creates are amazing. I am hoping he is able to attend Marscon in 2025 dammit.

Facing "Serena"

A few years ago, someone asked people if could win a point against #1 female tennis player in the world Serena Williams and many ignorant dudes stated they could.

When I was occasionally playing tennis, I would have said hell yes and if given the opportunity would have likely seen serves whiz past maybe shanking one or two off the racket.

The tennis days ended a long time ago so that phrase for me would apply to disc golf. Personally, 2 1/2 years ago at the Masters Worlds at Sunset Hills confirmed the gap between FPO elite players who play that course and me.

Comparing me to players most of whom are a quarter century and more younger is not feasible but a female ten time major championship winner who is eligible for events in 55+ age divisions is from the Chicago area.

Over the past 5 years, we played in the same event 5 times (2-2-1) most notably in Wisconsin where she won the MP50 division and I won the MA50 division with the exact two round score.

This Sunday for a one round event at 50 Acre Park, noticed that player is registered for the MA50 division and there was an open spot in the foursome and I eagerly signed up for that time always wanting to play a round with her.

The ignorant "14 year old" version of me from 1979 who considered females as inferior sees this as something different. Unfortunately way too many people earlier this month had the same thought when they went to vote and some of them already discovered how the publicly stated plan will hurt them and the country.

No matter what, the 59 year old version of me who is wanting to play one more rated round in 2024 and get to 900 rated needs to be there. By ratings, both of us are expected to shoot the same score.

Stat update

This morning, found out my event starts on 17 of the summer (ski hill) Alpine Valley course.

It reminded me of a weird coincidence with stats for 2024.

In 30 rounds, currently 23 over par on 17 and 18 (including the 17th and 18th played in the round among the 27 at the Oaks). For all others, 17 under par.

The only birdies on 17 and 18 this year were during the first round of the World Championship at Olpe Lake. Fairfield, Grey Fox, and Eagle Ridge all have challenging finishes that contribute to the score including the triple bogey on 17 on the ski hill last month.

On the golf course for lower level players, both 17 and 18 are short par 4s that can be birdied. Will see what happens the next day.

Real issue

After seeing a cartoon video on FB, remembered that there is something called a real ID which I didn't bother to get last year when I renewed my driver's license because there were no plans to get on an airplane.

Found out that on May 7th, 2025 a Real ID will be required to get on any plane. Since playing in the US Championship would require a flight on May 5th to Albuquerque and the return one on May 12, not getting a Real ID would have forced me to rent an additional car to make a 24 hour drive home.

I wonder had I not thought about a Real ID, would I found out about this in time as it takes almost a month to get it sent after providing multiple items to prove identity and residence.

Major travels

For age restricted non female disc golfers, there are two major events every year. The world championship that people qualify the year before and the US championship which doesn't. 

In 2018, was good enough to justify playing the US title in Crown Point, IN but not eligible for the worlds.

In 2019, was good enough to justify driving 700 miles to play my first world championship but not good enough to fly to Massachusetts for the US.

In 2021, not good enough to justify flying to Orlando for the worlds or drive to Columbia, MO for the US.

In 2022, was good enough to justify driving either to Quad Cities for the US or Peoria for the worlds and chose Peoria then with help from Luke Ski and my daughter made a video making fun of myself since making the cut was not going to happen.

In 2023, not good enough to fly to Eugene, Oregon for the US or Flagstaff, Arizona for the worlds and would not trust myself navigating the AZ courses at 7,500 foot elevation.

Because of how I was playing this year, justified the 625 mile drive to Emporia, KS for the worlds but at the time a decision was needed to be made, not good enough to fly to Cary, NC for the US.

For the US title being held this week, in my current MA55 division would be by rating exactly in the middle expected to miss the cut by 3 shots and in the MA60 division which I will be eligible in 104 days, would be 11th of 32 and expected to make the cut.

That made me realize I am now good enough to justify flying to a major championship next year in MA60.

The worlds is 4th of July week in the Minnesota twin cities so driving there will happen. The US title is in early May in Ruinoso, NM. I can fly to Albuquerque and rent a car but elevation is 6,500 feet.

If I wanted go there, will need to be significantly lighter to give myself a chance to participate since at my weight navigating a course at elevation would be difficult. Even if I don't go to the US championship, will be making at least one other out of town drive to play a large event.

In order to participate in more out of town events in 2025 as the "young player" in MA60, will need to use the vacation time and money that would otherwise be used to to go Marscon and FuMPFeST.

Though my daughter and I were considering chartering a bus again through her company to pay her to attend Marscon again in 2025 and that others want to ride, that isn't going to happen as it would not be fair to the time, money, energy, and physical pain endured to get my game to the level it is right now.

As of now, my doctor wants to replace my right knee in early 2026 so the Marscon fun bus might be back on the schedule then since I would schedule my surgery so I could be on disability during the convention.

I am also aware that anything can happen on or off the course to an obese man with arthritis approaching 60 and that it is not impossible for something to happen to prevent me from playing.

If there is a question if would I rather compete in a major disc golf championship or go to Marscon, look at my Facebook profile.

37th time is the charm

Thirty hours after finally winning an Illinois Series Event, the emotions kicked in. Similar to what happened in most of my wins, it wasn't close.

After a distant second at a B tier in July, what happened in round two last month at the previous IOS B tier event, and after a frustrating Labor Day event, dedicated time to learning Eagle Ridge for this B tier since my goal for the second half of 2024 was winning my first B tier event.

Last year at Eagle Ridge, I barely finished due to my right knee which gave out the previous month but for 2024, the course seemed shorter but it took a couple trips of practice rounds to realize how to take advantage of that.

Knowing there was a one round event the Friday before, decided to take a vacation day to get a competitive round there and was well matched in a group where we all finished within 2 shots of each other and star framed the 10 foot high basket on #9.

That round turned out by rating to be by two shots my best there, my 5th best for the year and among the top 15 lifetime played.

In the IOS event on Sunday, had a different plan for 8 tee shots because of what I learned on Friday and three of them produced birdies (and would have been 4 but a 22 foot putt hit cage). Along with repeating birdies on the three from Friday and my first ever birdie on #11, the score for the 18 was 4 shots better than my personal best at that course from Friday and because I made the birdie to finish the round on a temp hole, overall round rating was lifetime best and I had a 6 shot lead.

Had to eat lunch at car to avoid bees and when I got up, could barely put weight on right leg. Realizing sitting would just cause white cells to accumulate, had to try to walk it off. With another dose of arthritis cream, got ready for round two in winder conditions. 

As the round progressed, the person from third became the closest to me but after his tree problems on 8 and me birdieing 11 from the long tee on one of the best drives of my life was up 10 with 5 to go.

From the long tee, 15 for me is a drive that heads to the tree that is OB on the right then turns left into the fairway helped by the wind. I failed to realize it was more a headwind than right to left and hit the tree and was OB with 250+ to go. 

Third shot rode the OB line and disappeared over the crest unsure if OB so I threw a provisional that was even more right than the first one so threw a second provisional which could have been 7th while opponent had a doable shot for 3.

Fortunately, all the shots ended up in bounds but missed the 40 foot bogey putt and lost 2 shots and also my nerves.

After hitting an early tree on the par 4 16 still shook from almost doing a "Tin cup", played for bogey since the hole has a hazard rule adding a shot off the fairway while my opponent made a birdie which I never saw someone make before.

Number 17 has a mandatory from the long tee which I badly missed. I was fortunate my opponent hit a tree on his approach and I only lost one shot making the lead 5.

On the tee for the par 4 18th, was in panic mode and instead of doing one of the two things in my practice rounds that worked, did something else and was way right. After pitching to the fairway, my opponent tried two hero shots from a bad spot but hit trees both times. Though I got a bogey going +6 in four holes, my opponent's double bogey had me up 6 going into the last hole.

Though we both screwed up our drive on the final hole, I managed to save par while he didn't making the margin 7 shots.

The feeling was relief more than anything and was mentally and physically exhausted. One I got home, could barely walk and it took 30 hours to gather enough energy to post this.

When I got home today from a frustrating day at work, used the eraser on the whiteboard for the events over the next month realizing that after posting 8 of my best 15 lifetime rated rounds over the past 11 months and with leg pain and a right arm that pops including while setting up putts in round two, rest and recovery needs to happen.

Other than the "Freedom round" next week and maybe one round heading to Con On the Cob, have no specific plans to play for a month.

World championship summer

My sister and I competed in a world championship this summer and there were come coincidences:

Forgot to put on chart that the winner of my sister's division whose event was over 2 1/2 hours shorter crossed the Pacific Ocean and the winner of my division who played an extra 4 hours crossed the Atlantic and that both my sister's and my participation was just under 10 hours each.

Number 36

What was a one shot lead with 12 to play turned into missing a playoff by 7 shots. How?

Hole 5 on the Fairfield Gold course is a gettable par 4 as long as the drive clears a little rise and is not bad off line with for me an approach 200-225 feet uphill through a narrowing gap. My drive as with the previous three open ones left me shooting first in the 5 some. The shot was on line but hit the base of a tree 25 feet from the basket and rolled back down 50 feet into brush. I was able to pitch up for par but the two who were one behind barely missed that tree and tied me.

Hole 6 is a par 4 which was extended a few years ago from a par 3. My play is a midrange to the fairway, another to where it bends 90° degrees right, and a pitch for a par. After a wait to play the hole, my drive was a bit right clipping the edge of trees leaving me out of position to get down to the bend. Though a roller was considered, tried to turn over the disc hard right to the bend as opposed to a safe shot and missed bad left ending up in bushes. After the roller out and the attempted turnover after hit first available tree, pitched to 20 feet which was the about as good from where I was being completely blocked and missed the putt for a 7. One of those I was tied threw his drive where I wanted it to land, went over the top to 40 feet and made the putt for 3.

That began a humbling and painful eight hole stretch where I either hit a tree or missed the gap beyond a tree 15 times shooting 10 over while my opponent went even par.

As I dragged myself to the tee on 14, the focus changed to making sure weight shifted forward as I threw and the drive was ok followed by a 60 foot shot that unlike a couple others that missed a gap, went under the basket. 

On 15, threw the best drive I ever did on that par four followed by a 220 foot approach through a 6 foot gap to 15 feet. Though still pissed the birdie putt double doinked off the band, figured out what was wrong and after executing a solid drive on 16, clanged home a 35 foot birdie putt to finish 7 out.

So how did it happen? Focus shifted especially after the bad break on #5 knowing the situation and with tired legs that the wait on the tee of 6 did not help, failed to finish throws with the body which causes shots to be higher, curve more left at the end and most importantly start off line both ways. Most shots in that stretch even the drive getting a birdie on #9 had one or more of those things happen.

So what next time? The next potential situation for winning, the focus needs to be on executing throws and not the results. Hoping this post will remind me what to do and prevent a bad break from snowballing like it did yesterday and during round one of the World's in June.

I - Zero - S continued

This upcoming Sunday will be my first Illinois Open Series event of 2024. Due to playing Worlds and timing, was unable to make the other events so far in 2024. The plan is to play the final three of the year.

I confirmed that I have played 35 of them since 2012 without a win.

Different event locations: 9

Lcations played: Fairfield - 8, Eagle Ridge - 7, Rockford- 6, Marengo - 4, Channahon & Sinssippi - 3, Northwood Pk - 2, Bevier & Lemon Lake -1

Division breakdown:

MA3: 3

MA4: 2

MA40: 1

MP50: 1

MA50: 28 (All but one since 2017)

Meaningful times finishing 3rd: 3

Meaningful times finishing 2nd: 3

Players in my division: Ranging from 4 to 35

Total mathematical odds (based on number of players faced in each event) of me not winning at least once: 89-1 

Triggered

The following was posted to Facebook from the back aisle at Woodmans on 7/18/24 and shortly removed after since it is best posted here:

After a second straight frustrating day at work late trying to get enough done so tomorrow, I have half a chance of getting everything done in time so I could go to Oswego after work for a flex start, stopped for the 6 at Springfield Park with carry bag since unsure is cart will work on ski slopes Sunday... *breathe*

Starting at 3, final drive on 2 skidded next to basket and woman walking her dogs commented on the shot.

My mind which was feeling better as it marked third straight pink Buzzz SS bullseye to finish started trying to figure out what to say since multiple cousins on both sides of the family asked me or my mom this month about me remarrying and the only encounter I've had the past 12 years was an awkward one after a financial transaction in York, PA 5 years ago and appatently playing the best disc golf of my life doesnt ****ing matter because I will likely be found dead alone in my apartment after not showing up for work...

After babbling, "thanks", realizing don't even try, waddled to car. Ooh, 22oz Tapoica pudding. That will help.

Eligibility again

After expensive legal action in 2023, an agreement allowing a transgender female to play female open pro on the gisc golf pro tour for all events has been reached and the first half she was competing against a very pregnant player. Many believe as opposed to a blood test that having or have had components to birth a child should be the deciding factor for female eligibility similar to what USA swimming chose.

Since she was second going into Sunday in Iowa, hearing the start of the round was delayed made some think there was a death threat made since it happened in Tennessee earlier this year.

Other restrictions in disc golf divisions have a simpler to determine factor be it the year someone was born or their rating based on how well they have played.

Due to good play and a couple tree breaks, was one shot out of first at a one round event in April and got aggressive going for a tying birdie only to hit an early tree taking a double bogey. After the round, discovered the player I was one shot behind had a rating too high for the division I was in and though he was reassigned, I still lost by one. I could have easily hit the same tree with a conservative drive and still taken double bogey but the mindset would have been different up one.

The club challenge which I usually play separates players by a different rating maximum per pool of players and with my significantly improved play, am no longer eligible for the lowest pool and with the higher pool overloaded with better players, I won't be able to participate. Though disappointed, had you told me in July 2019 or July 2023 what my new lifetime high rating at "MA59" would be, I would be happy.

For some reason, get the feeling of negative reinforcement for what I do in disc golf to be better.

Taking the fun out of things part two

During round one of the 2023 IL State Championship at Dellwood, things were meh until I made a long birdie putt followed by a parked drive, and 4 in a row full shots that flew 10 feet plus each farther than normal leading to two more bonus birdies. (Figuring out why and being able to duplicate that often is part of the reason my rating hit a lifetime high in July, 2024; 20 points or two shots better per round on an average course in one year.)

My round rating was 5th lifetime best (at that time) and I was leading the MA55 division and had a better score than the MA50 leader. On my way home, had to fight the urge to stop at a coworker's house, show him the leaderboard, and tell him that is why I put my body through disc golf and for telling me to quit he should go fuck himself.

Highland Park where round two was is a course I can't figure out and after a failed hero shot on the last hole to try to tie for second ended up way out of bounds ended up 5th.

I was not satisfied with how poorly I played or handled the pressure of the situation but now am more pissed off at the TD of the event.

As with most events, players for round two are paired by standings with those farthest out of the lead for a division first and the lead card going last. Though on the lead card, I teed off second even though I had a one shot lead. When I mentioned it to the TD, he stated it was no big deal and at the time was trying to focus on my game.

Since order of play changes every hole depending on what players score, it technically isn't a big deal but going first on a lead card to start a round is an honor and for someone who had never had a solo lead in over 50 B tier or higher events, it would have been a positive memory as opposed to what it is.

Since there were over 400 players to assign for round two in almost 20 divisions, there was a lot to do but confirmed with multiple tournament directors including the head of the Illinois PDGA that for me to not go first required someone to manually change the order that was initially assigned by the PDGA program.

There are events where the top player throws last on the lead card but have never seen someone in my situation listed as second. To be honest, had a mistake been admitted would be understandable but to be told it is no big deal is an insult to the money, time, energy, and physical pain and discomfort I experience from playing tournament disc golf.

When it was time to register for 2024 IL states, nope. Maybe if I end up a solo first on one of the hopefully 4 more B tiers to play this year and throw first on the lead card, I'll consider 2025 especially being MA60. As of now, there are many other events to play.

Schedule to fill

There are multiple events to potentially play over the next two months all with positives and negatives so I am sharing my thoughts about it in order from most to least likely to play:

Probable:

July 4 flex start

Good: Can get there and gone early, cheapest option.

Bad: Temp course, temp baskets.

July 23 Groot Summertime event

Good: 50 Acre "Wacky Wednesday Layout" featuring 10 long tee to basket in 10A position and 14 short tee to 16 basket. Cheapest 2 round option.

Bad: Tuesday 2 round one day event and won't be able to get day before or after off work.

July 27-28 Clash at the Canyons

Good: Dellwood/Callahan One round two days

Bad: Expensive/ Will have to survive cattle call to register

Aug 18 IOS

Good: Fairfield. Event sponsored by club.

Bad: Two rounds/ one day

Possible:

June 29 Smooth Series

Good: Have never played course in summer and want to see how better I am since last event there in 2016 against person who won my division in 2015 and 2016.

Bad: Long drive. Body might not be ready for two round one day event still not 100% after worlds.

July 6 flex start

Good: Grey Fox/ Tri-Fox

Bad: Have family event that day near I-80 which might make another event a better option

July 6-7 Masters of the Oaks

Good: MA55 division. Course is near where I will be Sat afternoon. Playing 18 and not 27.

Bad: Not a fan of The Oaks. Also would need to make hour trip Sat and Sun to event. Expensive

Aug 11 Club Challenge 

Good: Since I left last year before club was announced as winner, never got chance to hold trophy and since I earned points for both rounds last year, want to do so even if not on roster.

Bad: Courses require a lot of walking for two rounds in heavier footing. My rating is likely going to be at the point where I am no longer an asset in pool D but a liability in pool C.

Unlikely:

July 20 IOS

Good: Want chance to play Sinssippi after what happened last year since knee almost caused me to withdraw during round two. 

Bad: Due to travel, playing the Sunday event in one of the two most suitable divisions would make things difficult for me at work and at the July 23 event and would have little chance in MA2.

Interesting: Gavin Rathbun (currently in the top 10 on the pro tour) is signed up to play MPO since he won't be in Europe.

Not going to happen:

July 13-14 IL State Championship 

Good: Was leading after round one in 2023 and want chance at redemption.

Bad: It literally will take a whole post to explain. (It will be made SOON).

Taking the fun out of things part one

It should come as no surprise to anyone who would read this that 625 miles one way were driven not to participate but to compete and though finishing as expected was not bad, it wasn't good.

While the trip to the Worlds was filled with music, smiles, and in a couple cases choked with emotion, the return trip was quiet while brooding about the panic induced errors before and in round one and way too much about an otherwise meaningless 125 foot shot on the final hole that hit dead center chains, hung for a second, and fell out.

During down time at the event, I would check standings of local players who made the trip and was excited to see the same person who won the MA50 title in 2022, won a playoff to win again. One of my highlights from 2023 was tying him at a club round on Thanksgiving and he is among the six players I want to beat more than anyone else.

As expected, there are multiple posts about it but for some reason, one yesterday triggered a 12 hour long cascade of internal rage. When I state that my brain runs a different type of operation system and occasionally has weird bugs, that is what I mean. I literally had to spend my lunch at work writing what will be part two of this post which will be made available in a couple weeks. I have found that the best way to get some thoughts out of the head is to write them as opposed to letting it build causing something stupid to happen.

As long as I play my next event before July 7, my rating on July 9 will be another personal highest since 8 rounds where my rating averaged over 20 points below what is current will no longer be considered so there is optimism even though the first time throwing in almost a week didn't go that well due to physical discomfort. Once I am able to throw discs normally again, things will calm down inside.

Other worlds numbers

Places eaten that don't have a nearby location: 6

Gas stations that don't have a nearby location: 3

Total bottles of water purchased: 8

Items purchased at Dynamic Discs store: 2

Miles on way home when the desired vendor event was happening: 150

People met who I have played a tournament against: 7

People who upon hearing I'm from Chicago asked about violence in city: 6

People who I showed the video I made about the 2022 Worlds: 0

Divisions held: 24

Future 2024 world champ with whom I spoke: 4

Total holes played in Emporia: 150

Jones West: 64

Olpe Eagle: 50

Flint Hills TC: 15

Hammond Park: 11

Dynamic Discs HQ: 8

Champions Landing (with only DX Leopard): 2

Forehand shots thrown in event: 1

Rollers thrown: 3

Those in my foursomes who have more serious medical issues than me: 2

Holes played in Missouri on trip back: 27

Holes played in Springfield, IL: 18

Different holes birdied on trip: 34

Discs used on them: 21

Different discs thrown on trip: 38

Minutes detoured to see a stone with faded writing and have an argument with someone who has been dead almost 12 years because I failed to make the cut: 45

2024 Worlds by the numbers

Total players in MA55: 72

Extra discs brought in stool pouch still being unsure of course and conditions: 7

Discs from pouch used in round 1: 3

OB drives in first 9 holes: 5

Putts drawing metal not going in first 9 holes: 6

Place after 9 holes: 71st

Place after shooting -2 back nine: T56

Shots worse than expected: 3.3

Wind at start of round 2: 6MPH

Wind at end of round 2: 20MPH

Place at end of round two taking advantage of earlier start: T44

Shots round two better than expected: 3.2

Wind at start of round 3: 20MPH

Distance of downhill headwind drop zone putt made on #1 to save par: 32 feet

Times a Zone was thrown as an approach or putter: 24

Distance disc flew blown by wind on #5 after hitting green 25 feet from basket: 60 feet

Place after hole 15: T36

Place after finishing last three holes +3: T39

Discs lost in round three: 2

Discs added to bag for round 3: 3

Shots round three better than expected: 1.7

Shots out of cut line after round 3: 6

Round 4 approach shots hitting metal: 7

Those that led to bogey since the disc ended up away after contact 2

Round 4 drives that were weak due to fatigue and later stiffness having to wait multiple times due to slow play by other group: 6

Distance of shot on 18 that hit chains dead center low and came back out: 125 feet

Shots worse than expected the +3 round 4 score was: 1.5

Round 4 score needed to make cut: -7

Total shots out of first: 24

Final place: T44

Difference in total score vs expected: 0

christmas by the numbers

To me, the most enjoyable part of going to the World's is everything from the time I leave until tee time.

Hours delayed due to having a tooth removed: 22

Years since previous tooth removal: 25

Price of gas in Channahon, IL and Hannibal, MO: $3.49 - $2.79

Longest time on road in Illinois without stopping for bathroom: 75 minutes 

Miles driven to Emporia: 625

Time from leaving house to arriving at Jones Park: 10hr, 20 min

Birdies playing Jones West: 3

Bogies from hitting first tree: 3

Bogies from going OB: 2

Lifetime Pizza Ranch locations eaten: 2

Locations eating while on trip to play Worlds: 2

Time asleep both Sun and Mon: 7pm

Inches of rain estimated to have fallen during Saturday night's massive storm: 4

Time on Sunday Olpe Eagle course was announced to be unplayable and not used for event: 9PM

Time on Monday at Champions Landing to look at course: 630 am

Holes played with only one disc: 1

Tee shots thrown on other holes: 2

Pictures taken of me holding a disc on a tee in a throwing pose: 2

Discs that were pulled from pond on #16 left at basket for those to claim: 10

Holes played at Hammond Park literally across the street from Champ Landing disc golf hole 1: 9

Birdies there: 2

Discs fished out of low lying areas at Hammond filled with water due to Saturday night's massive storm: 4

Time on Monday announced a modified version of Olpe lake will be played: 1230 pm

Holes at Olpe that are unplayable: 2

Long par four holes converted to two par 3 to keep course at 18: 2

Length in feet of hole 1 at Olpe playing mostly over an OB marsh: 315

Inches a well thrown drive off 1 was in bounds having cleared the marsh in front of the green: 3

Discs lost making a bad shot trying to clear ditch that would normally be retrieved but with how much water is flowing, not possible: 1

Holes played as intended: 9

Holes where tee pad is unusable and replaced with temp or shorter tee: 5

Holes with temp basket as area near basket is unplayable: 4

Holes played before getting lift back to parking lot: 14

Total IL ams who I have played against seen: 4

Planning the trip

Looked through maps and discovered some things about the route between where I live and Emporia, KS, home of the 2024 Masters Worlds.

There are two viable routes there one through Iowa and one through Missouri with the total time difference less than 15 minutes and depending on traffic, either way could be faster. It is possible the Missouri route is taken on the way there and Iowa on the way back.

Neither route has a Speedway gas station. There is a Buc 'ees in Missouri but it is south of the route I would take. There is a Circle K in Emporia so that is where I will fill up there and will have to figure out where to stop on the road.

There are multiple Waffle House restaurants in Missouri but after what happened on the way FuMPFeST last year, I won't risk leaving another "deuce" on the course if things kick in at the wrong time. Emporia itself has most of the standard places to eat but will definitely go to the Billy Sims BBQ place at least once.

It is tempting to stop at Harmony Bends or reserve a time at Eagle's Crossing for the trip there but I am going to Emporia to play the Worlds and those places would take a lot out of me especially after the long work week that is happening. Hoping to find a less stressful place in Missouri to play. If the return trip is through Iowa, interested in Camden or Picard Park but unsure what I will physically have left or what time frame that would be.

Other than Olpe and Jones West (where I will be playing), would want to play in Emporia #7 (known as Monkey Island) at Peter Pan Park and #9 at Hammond Park (where Eagle McMahon had a roller ace) and take a picture of me about to throw on #16 at Champions Landing.

As far as non disc golf stops, looked up Uranus, MO but similar to Buc 'ees, on the road towards Tulsa and not Kansas City. Hoping to meet someone near KC if I can leave early on Saturday and not have to work. The return trip potentially through Iowa might be more suitable for a half hour detour to either Captain Kirk's future birthplace or the Field of Dreams.

Tata's comedy night

Random thoughts from last night:

Maybe I could get Steve Goodie to sign the disc I got on an ace on his birthday last year. No, I shouldn't and DON'T mention he is nine days older than me and don't mention I feel old and that I will play MA60 on Ian's next birthday.

I almost wore my Ian shirt which would have been real weird since Ian logically did. Make a reference to "that guy" and state I will wear the shirt on his next birthday but NOT explain it will be at my first tournament playing in MA60

Don't mention the physical discomfort experiencing from playing earlier that day or doctor wants to replace my right knee after I turn 60. If Ross Child's shows up, ask about his physical therapy without referencing my experiences.

Apologize for missing his recent Sunday show there since my alarm rings at 3AM.

Ask Robbie Ellis about being a new father. Don't mention he likely conceived at Marscon 2023.

Yes, my life involves throwing golf discs but don't bring up the subject unless specifically asked about it and not take 5 minutes of overly detailed explanation if asked.

It is ok to mention why Erin is not there because Ian knows who "Lifeline" is. So Ross Childs is at ACEN too.

Don't take a lot of pictures and just enjoy the show.

$9 for a Blue Moon? I want to support the restaurant but wow.

Mention to Ian to say hi to his wife for me. He mentioned liking foxes and seeing them in California. There are foxes at the course the disc golf pro tour is playing this week in California and in the past one fox peed on a disc and another was seen butt scooting on camera and that the person who is leading the event is an unsponsored player from the Chicago area who has won 8 times at an event I have played but not in the same division... NO! This is what I reference when reminding myself to not babble about disc golf.

Ask Steve Goodie where he is driving next. Don't mention my 10 hour trip in three weeks. Oh crap, I did. How strong of a beer is Blue Moon?

Though the performance was cut short for understandable reasons, still leave the $20 suggested donation afterwards. I should have done it earlier since the empty tip jar was mentioned before I had a chance to do so discreetly.

So should I say something to the woman who joined Steve on stage for a bit and was sitting alone at the bar? FUCK NO! Leave her alone.

New number

The PDGA provides a number rating to a player based on their tournament or league round and is based on how their score compared to others who were playing. Unlike ball golf, higher is better. On the 2nd Tuesday of every , month, players' overall ratings get updated based on how well they have played in their prior 12 months. A general rule of thumb is ten points is one shot on an average course in average conditions.

Knowing how well things went for me in April, was waiting for this update and confirmed my rating is now 883, which is 3 points better than my past high point set in late 2020 and 7 points better than it was in March.

A rating is generally used to restrict participation in amateur divisions and provide registration eligibility for some events. However, my rating reaching this point does not change anything with this since a rating of 900 would be the one that would prevent me from being eligible for the division I usually play when not in an age restricted one. There is one event I might play where the cutoff rating point is 885 and if the trend continues this summer, I might have to move up a division.

A rating also can be used to estimate how many shots it would take a player to complete a course since it will take into account how difficult the course and conditions are that day. The same high rating (for me) of 933 that I got for a seven over par 18 hole round on a difficult course in 45°, wind, and rain was the rating six days later for seven under par on a 23 hole round that was 20% shorter played in short pants.

I checked the ratings of the 71 other players currently in the MA55 division at the 2024 worlds in 4 weeks. My rating went from 51st best to tied for 47th. The top player instead of being expected to beat me by 38 shots in 4 rounds is now 35 and instead of being expected to miss the cut by 11 shots, I would be expected to miss by 9.

There has been a pattern to me having higher rated rounds in colder and worse weather which won't return for a while. My weight which could be an asset in the cold could be a detriment in summer so every pound I could lose right now would help this summer.

45 degrees, wind, and rain

That was the weather at a Rockford tournament in September, 2019 where I was one of the worst rated players in MA50 and almost won the event. https://notnormalworld.blogspot.com/2019/09/making-highly-improbable-happen-almost.html

The following Thanksgiving weekend in similar weather, I won an event by six shots. A couple years later on another similar day in October had one of my highest lifetime rated rounds even though I pulled my right groin getting out of bed that morning coming the closest I ever did to winning a ratings based division which was MA2 (one that usually features players better than me.)

Even before that October 2021 event, had expressed the desire for 45°, wind, and rain at a tournament getting surprised responses by people including the Illinois PDGA director last June.

For the next couple years after that, only had one round with that type of weather and ended up tied for 10th out of 31 in an open amateur division. (The rain stopped between rounds and my round two was bad.)

The TD for the event on Apr 7, 2024 was surprised that I was happy to hear that was the forecast for the event and shortly before the event started, the rain and wind kicked in. After the horn started, put down my umbrella, and launched a perfect drive leaving a makable C2 putt. Unfortunately, I foolishly got aggressive and whizzed it by 25 feet downhill past the basket and took a bogie. The next hole involved a badly failed approach shot leading to a bogie.

After that, I calmed down and managed to play decently but not great getting three more bogies due to failed approach shots but managed to get on the lead card with two good ones near the end and a 20 foot par save following hitting first tree on my final drive. Rating was 2 shots better than expected.

Due to timing, had a longer than normal wait for round two which was fine as the worst of the rain fell during it. Round two started on the most difficult course there with rain still falling. With one exception, the first six holes were played as good as I could expect including a first ever birdie on a specific hole after a 265 foot shot around trees to a blind target skipped to 5 feet away. At one point, I was leading the event.

The top rated player going in then made multiple great shots over a six hole stretch including some I don't have the physical ability or courage to make or attempt to retake the lead. Though I made mistakes, ended up matching the top player for round two losing the event by three shots and beating my personal best on that course by one shot which was played in melting slush two years previously after the area got three inches of snow the night before.

What surprised me was how other players on the south course struggled during the round including the other two 50+ players on my card. Others that played the same course for round two were:

FPO: 4 players/3 rated better than me/ I went 4-0

FA1: 4/1/4-0

MA40: 12/6/10-2

MA50: 7/3/5-1-1

MA55: 2/0/2-0

MA2: 35/31/28-2-5

Total: 64/44/53-5-6

Overall, I would have been expected to finish tied for 45th of the scores of the 65 who played but was tied for 6th. Rating for the round was tied for third lifetime best which was previously set on the cold, windy, rainy day in Oct 2021 and was 7 shots better than expected. Ironically one player on my card who appeared to struggle shot what I would have been expected to get.

So... What happened? To be fair, the weather finally got better as round 2 was ending and it is possible the first round played by pros which finished as the rain got bad made round 2 get rated more difficult than the initial one created after the round ended. My group started in the rain on the easier part of the course before the weather broke while others played the more challenging part in the rain.

I also have to admit trees were kind to me that especially on three drives that could have added 4-5 shots had things not gone well. However, as I notice stronger players with faster approaches slipping and falling while I did not have one issue all day with footing and with playing smart looking for par and not birdie (and in two cases off the tee bogey) 45°, wind, and rain appears to be my ideal tournament weather.

Of course I am posting this on a day 70° weather finally returned to Chicago and it will likely be months until this weather situation happens again.

Marscon 2024 by the numbers

People riding the bus: 8

Max people with luggage that could comfortably ride the bus: 14

Delay in minutes of departure due to seat belt replacement: 45

Stops for fuel/bathroom: 2/2

People who liked mashed potatoes & chicken sample at Kwik Trip and were looking for the actual one on way back but were disappointed since it wasn't out then: 3

Max speed in mph: 68

Max speed in mph going uphill in northern Wisconsin: 55

50+ aged men on bus loudly singing "Sit on My Face" when it came on: 3

Total time in hours to get to Marscon: 8

People who ate at IHOP after: 14

Distance in miles from that IHOP to nine hole disc golf course: 1.1

Hours before opening ceremonies I saw comedy music guest of honor eating hotel breakfast and I decided to leave him alone out of courtesy, something he appreciated I did: 10

Times I have taken a picture of the Pepsi logo in the Mall of America South food court with my left hand giving it the middle finger: 10

Meals eaten at the mall: 3

Meals eaten at a gas station: 3

Pounds gained over the weekend: 4

Places I know at Mall of America that are required to serve Pepsi products even though the chain serves Coca Cola products everywhere else: 11

Times on 1.3 mile walk from Mall of America back to hotel I threw the yellow dx Leopard I purchased from Air Sports along the side of American Blvd: 8

Feet last throw ended up from going in a previously unseen pond: 1

Snow cover in Bloomington in inches at Marscon 2023/2024: 28/0

Had I driven myself like I did the previous two years ...

Number of rounds I would have played on trip to Marscon: 2

Number of times out of the four nights at the hotel I would have left early in the morning and played one of the 5 courses used by players in a division restricted to those 60 and older at the 2014 amateur world Championship: 3

Now on to the con itself ... 

Years the great Luke Ski performed there: 21

Number of main stage performers 45 years or older: 4

Number of main stage performers 45 years or older in 2014: 1

Distance from Marscon in miles of person who complained about the lack of ethnic diversity in the performers: 1,750

Number of Marscons that person attended: 0

When asked if there are any POC performers to recommend, number that person provided: 0

Number of artists doing a song with the word chicken in its title: 3

People who had the knowledge and energy to dance to "Corn Beef and Cabbage": 6

Concerts seen featuring either of the two artists who as a duo closed Friday's set since the last time I saw the person they replaced perform: 7

Number of major alterations made to the Fake Adult video in the ten years since it was first made: 3

Time in minutes GOH performed before confirming he reached his obligatory set length: 45

Number of "emotional support spatulas" sold: 22

Number of golden spatulas RJ has won for winning Dumb Parody Ideas: 3

Total number of random Luke Ski shirts found on the same site someone got his $80 Luke Ski sweater: 8

Possible shot combinations available at the Klingon party "Clue" theme: 64

Different cider choices at the Space Oddity room: 4

Weird Al songs I sung as part of the crowd in the karaoke party room: 3

Knots worked out of my legs in the massage room: 3

Different animal sounds someone who wanted to complete the scavenger hunt had to make in the Furry party room: 5

Different tvs set up for 4 player Mario Cart in the Crashing Course party room: 2

People who had there first Malort in the Minicon room: 3

With one meaning minimal engagement and six maximum, my experience with potential female company: 2

That same rating the previous two years: 1

People who boarded bus to go to Kahn's: 20

Total people who rode the bus over the weekend: 22

People who did not take the bus to Marscon who asked about 2025: 4

People who played Boob Tree Sunday night: 11

People not playing who just hung out in that room: 10

Total sports stadiums seen in the Twin Cities area: 3

Hours from departure bus returned: 102 1/2

After the falls

One month ago, I decided against driving an hour plus to a course out of state and played the nearest one to my apartment. After my final drive on the third time through the nine, I decided to walk the shorter sidehill path around a pond and on a cement part, the shoe lost traction and I fell on my right leg that buckled under me. After 30 nervous seconds collecting myself, was happy leg supported weight and I went home.

I tried to work the day after and ended up taking the Tuesday off where my doctor confirmed no broken bones, told me I was lucky that was the case, and wrote a note allowing me to take the rest of the week off work which as usual, was thrown out. I realized there was no way I could play the one round event the following weekend.

A couple weeks later, the trauma from the fall was gone but everything still did not feel what has become the "normal". I realized that with the fall the Tuesday before Thanksgiving where two days later I had one of the best rounds of my life with a bruise covering 1/3 of my left foot, and another one at work in December, there is a pattern. 

Though I could still throw a golf disc mostly well continuing the success from late 2023, the legs were really unhappy during and especially after. Actually had a coworker show concern to my supervisor about me after watching me get out of the car on the way back from my last one round event. My doctor more directly last month told me what I should do and not do.

Her biggest concern was the scale. I am 12 pounds heavier than I was in November and am at my highest point which is way above what I consider the heaviest I should play tournament disc golf. Between the stress from work and the injuries and knowing I am still playing real well, not eating responsibly made sense but no one is forcing me to do what I did.

The body is also responding to my eating. Problems in late 2023 can be attributed to Waffle House, company luncheons, and unexpected mushrooms but those in 2024 are not. On the average, once per week have ended up with bloating, cramps, continuous gas, and/or multiple bathroom trips after paying $10-20 for ready made food at various places. One of those occasions I was very fortunate I was twenty feet from a grocery store bathroom when it kicked in.

Since not eating at those places has led to weight loss, there is a second reason to avoid those places and this will be tested to, in, and from Minnesota next week which is why I don't want to be counted on to volunteer for anything in case the body says "no" up there and there is a need to stay in the hotel room.

Last Sunday, I did not play a desired two round event and there are multiple ones with current or upcoming registration that I can't do at this time since I am not confident that I can not only finish the event but be able to function the following day.

Two of the following three Sundays have a one round event which I feel comfortable playing since I was ok following a club round a few weeks ago but won't register for a two or more round event until my legs and mostly weight recovers from the previous 3-4 months of neglect.

I am registered for a two round event in early April which is the weekend before I would register for the world's and it would be unfair for me and potential other MA55+ players at the world's to register unless my situation significantly improves by then.

The Swift and the Furious

Other than seeing people throw golf discs, the largest topic of videos I've seen on Facebook involve one specific musician be it past interviews, interactions with fans, reactions from fans, concert footage, or at the NFL Championship Game playing a game involving herself by chugging a beer upon seeing herself on the video board.

The grade school version of me who had a unique combination of being born on the 13th and having a bad luck cartoon character with all eight letters of the last name almost in the same order really would have appreciated someone that famous flaunting 13 as their lucky number and find the non concert clips enjoyable knowing her opinion of the man who attempted to overthrow the government is the same as mine. 

The music and on stage are something different. Though I understand the point of view of the songs, there is very little for me to relate and the on stage performances remind me of the ones in the late 20th century featuring people who in my mind replaced the music I enjoyed.

Many of the replies remind me of how I used to feel about people like Madonna and Janet Jackson with how ignorant and hateful they are while criticizing everything they did off stage as well as on.

Today, I am well aware that her music is not for me and I am ok with it and if people want to spend a couple thousand dollars to watch her on stage, that is their choice and they will likely enjoy it. Even the person who has the most tracks on my Spotify play list has stated he is his own target audience.

Personally, I find money others spent on the Eras Tour more useful to charter a bus and get my daughter to co drive it to watch people whose name are on my contact list perform music and afterwards drink alcohol and if things go exceptionally well... nah.

Non championship sports part 1 continued.

In part due to questionable coaching decisions, the Detroit Lions recently lost an opportunity to make their first Super Bowl and continued their streak of being the only one of 23 teams that have played all the past 58 seasons to not make it to the game.

How I determined the mathematical odds of that happening: I figured out the probability of the Lions not winning the NFL Championship each season from 1966 to 1969 and of not winning the NFC Championship each season from 1970 to 2023 and multiplied them.

Due to addition of more teams and division realignments, the odds of the Lions from 1970 through 1994 (except for 1982) were not reflective the number of NFC teams since the NFC Central had a different number of teams than the NFC West and or NFC East.

After crunching the numbers, the odds of Detroit failing to make the Super Bowl for 58 consecutive years is 57.6-1.

2023 by the numbers

Total courses played: 53

States played: 5

New courses played: 12

Tournaments completed: 22

Desired tournaments not played: 14

Tournaments not finished: 1

League rounds played: 4

Unrated club rounds played: 3

Total rated rounds played: 42

Event wins: 2

Lifetime IOS events played without a win: 35

IOS events played in 2023: 4

Other players to play 4 or more of the seven 2023 IOS events required to win series title in MA50: 0

Total players in MA50 and MA55 at Illinois State Championship: 23

Number of those who took more shots than me in round one: 22

Number of shots better than me a player in FA1 was for that round: 7

Among the 53 B tier or higher lifetime events played previously or since did I have a solo lead at the end of a round: 0

Years before that I was tied for first after round one of a B tier: 6

People who were listed on the lead card in round two above me: 1

Other rated events where pairings are redone I have seen where the first place player does not get the honor to tee off first on the lead card: 0

Dollars I will pay to that TD in the future unless I get a satisfactory explanation or apology: 0

Of top five rated rounds from 2023, number that occurred among last five played: 4

Number of those among 11 highest lifetime rated rounds played: 3

High temp in F° for those days: 54, 47, 41

Of my eleven highest lifetime rated rounds, at 50 Acre: 4

At Fairfield White: 3

At Dellwood: 2

At Lemon Lake: 1

At Red Fox: 1

Of those 11 rounds at league/flex start/MP50/major/non major MA50: 3/1/1/1/5

People who claim you can't get a high rated round at 50 Acre: dozens

Different holes birdied in 2023: 304

Of those, on a hole I had never done before 2023: 137

Lifetime unique birdies: 725

Metal hits: 8

Dollars won on only ace of the year: 260

Age Steve Goodie became on the day I got the ace: 58

Age Weird Al became on the day I got previous ace: 62

Times in 2023 seeing Steve Goodie do his act with "weird Al and Daniel Radcliffe" (who played Weird Al in his "bio pic"): 2

Different discs used to get a birdie: 55

Different companies from those discs: 9

Discs lost in water: 5

Discs lost in trees: 4

Discs lost in leaves: 1

Times the lost disc was a DX Leopardo: 5

Lost discs found and returned to me: 1

Shots in 2023 I considered better than the ace: 2

Number of times since 2017 a shot on #13 at 50 Acre was considered shot of the year: 3

Times I had more "deuces" at the course than 2s on the scorecard in a tournament: 2

"Deuces" on course playing by myself: 2

Articles of clothing thrown in garbage due to them: 3