A Madman December Carol (excerpt 2)

If you have not read the disclaimer first, please do so here: http://notnormalworld.blogspot.com/2009/11/clearing-brain.html

From Chapter 2

At the entrance to the grocery store among the commotion of the man ringing his Salvation Army bell and the shoppers entering the store was a little girl standing in front of her mother. She was handing out little slips of paper to anyone who wanted one and Ken out of courtesy took one and read the hand written note on it while walking into the store. He stopped on the other side of the entrance then walked back outside and said to the girl, "You should not be handing out these slips of paper. You spelled ..."

Her mother angrily walks in front of the girl to confront Ken, "Who do you think you are telling my daughter to not hand notes to people? Do you know what is written on the note? It is John 3:16, the bible verse which explains whose birthday we will be celebrating..."

"Yes, I know what it is. She spelled the word perish with an a."

"So? Who are you, some kind of spelling expert?"

"Since I have played for the National Scrabble Championship, I would consider myself one. If you want people to respect and pay attention to the message, it should be spelled correctly." Ken replied while walking back into the store with his daughter who was talking with the girl while their parents argued.

Down the aisle, music was playing so Ken decided to sing:

"You better watch out and cover your eyes."

"Stop dad," Ken's daughter pleaded.

"You better not look. I'm telling you why.
The Mall Santa pulled his pants down."

The last line produced laughter from the next aisle. At the end, a woman who was walking with the little boy who laughed asked, "Whose disgusting song is that?"

Ken replied, "All mine."

"That belongs on Dr. Demento."

"He's played it," Ken proudly boasts with a smile on his face.

After getting the groceries while walking to the exit, a little kid runs in right front of Ken and his daughter, trips over his own two feet and ends up landing face first into the back of a stroller. Ken looks over the crying kid as the mother tries talking to him in Spanish as a bilingual store employee tries to calm her down. Seeing that the situation is being handled, he walks away with his daughter. As Ken gets to the door, he hears the woman screaming frantically and catches her eye as he leaves the store.

On the way towards the parking lot, Ken noticed the mother and kid were gone but the Salvation Army person was still ringing his bell and shouting Merry Christmas and as usual, Ken ignored him. Apparently annoyed with what he saw earlier, the worker with his bell walked up behind Ken, rang the bell next to his ear and shouted, "I said Merry Christmas!"

Wincing in pain from the sound, Ken turned around and to the surprise of the bell ringer, grabbed the bell out of his hand and threw it into a garbage can. "What the ****'s wrong with you?" screamed the man as he went to retrieve his bell.

Ken screamed back even louder, "You're ****ing lucky that I didn't take that *** **** bell and shove it up your ******-****ing ***!" Turning to his daughter who had a ringside view and speaking in a much calmer tone, "Remember, parking lot."

A few hours later the doorbell rang at Ken's house. It was the police. Ken nervously asked, "What can I help you with today?"

"By any chance were you at the grocery store earlier today with a little kid?"

Feeling impending doom Ken nervously replied, "Yes."

"Did you see a little kid trip and hit his face on a stroller?"

"It happened right in front of me. I was walking to the door with my daughter when he fell. Since someone was talking to her in Spanish, I figured I could not help."

"Can we take that as your eye witness to what happened? It would add to the report. Is this the correct spelling of your name?" the officer shows the sheet as Ken signs it. "Ok, thanks for your time, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Ken reluctantly replies. After closing the door, he breathes out a big sigh, "That was scary."

Later that evening, while he is on his computer, his daughter approaches him.

"Are you doing you radio show now, daddy?"

"Yes, I Am."

******

"I'm about to go live on the mike, you want to join me?"

"Sure."

Ken speaks into the microphone, "This is the madman on the loose and you are listening to the Larry Csonka birthday special as the hall of fame fullback turns a year older in a few days. The last song was by the great Luke Ski who was born the day after Super Bowl VIII which Csonka was the game MVP. I am not alone here in Hardcore Gaming Studios. The little girl you heard screaming in one of the songs is here with me. So are you excited about the next couple of days?"

"Yep!"

"Nice. We had one interesting time at the store today. Didn't we?"

"Yep."

"You think that adventure would make an interesting chapter in a story?"

"I don't know."

"I have a lot more music to play. You have anything else to say?

Giggling, "Can you smell that? I just farted."

"If anyone had a doubt that this is my kid I think they have been removed. Here is Bob Rivers," Ken turns off the mike and starts the music. "Damn, what did you eat, kid?"