I will never watch another "Super Bowl"

First of all, this is Ken Sherlock. My computer and account were not hacked.

Those who know me are aware of my knowledge of the game known as the Super Bowl. I can rattle off what team beat what other team, all the game MVPs mentioning the two players (Harvey Martin and Randy White) shared the honor in #12, most likely the score of the game, and something else most people don't know about it.

So why the title statement?  I am aware I think ... unlike others (pause intended). In my lifetime, the Super Bowl has changed from the championship match up of the American and National football league winners to the championship of the merged National Football League in 1970 played on a Sunday afternoon to a Sunday evening multimedia extravaganza event with celebrities having an on field presence choked to the brim with sponsorship causing people who don't care about the game to mock it or provide deliberate alternate programming.

I am not interested in the National Anthem which has been forever ruined by Whitney Houston on coke sounding like she had a vibrator between her legs causing others to try to make it from doing their "special" version of the song most annoyingly Chicago Blackhawks performer Jim Cornelison who has made a career out of over singing one fucking song and grandstanding by pointing at the flag. Thanks to the military presence that has occasionally been paid to show, the National Anthem has also become a recruitment tool as well.

I don't care about the momentum changing fucking halftime show and to be honest if Weird Al Yankovic was performing, I would not want it though I would probably watch a recording of it later. Commercials? No, no, no, NO! To be honest if there is a commercial I want to see, I can watch it later online.

To me that is what the Super Bowl has become and I don't want that any more. I only want to see the game between the AFC champion and the NFC champion to determine the league champion especially when both teams had the best regular season record in their conference.

I realized that I can watch the game without the pageantry, commercials, and bullshit that has lessened my enjoyment of the game. I have a DVR. After the coin toss, I can pause the game for about 25 minutes, take care of other things off line, then watch the game skipping the commercials which advertisers paid millions for the rights to display. When I have to pee, I pause and take my time. When it is halftime, I will pause the tv and spend about an hour doing something else. In the past I have played Rock Band, shoveled snow, or played a board game. The second half I will do the same thing and skip commercials.

From this moment forward, I will do my best to stop using the term Super Bowl or the roman numerals. That name was not used until #3 and coined after hearing a kid playing with a super ball. In the future I will watch the National Football League Championship Game.

Fictional numbers 43-99

After my computer died, I lost the list I was creating. I restarted that project a few weeks ago and decided today is the correct day to post this as many of these numbers apply to football players. As with the other two lists, if anyone knows of someone who should be included, let me know.

43 - As with many of the higher numbers there is no real important character that wore them though I would guess extras have worn most of them in many movies. In the movie Cars, the King wore #43 but since that car was based on former driver Richard Petty who is known as the king who drove car #43, I can't include it. Also won't include numbers worn by Barry Sanders (20), Dick Butkus (51), and Jerry Rice (80) as well as others who played inmates in Necessary Roughness as they wore the numbers they wore in the NFL.

44 - Forrest Gump, University of Alabama. His name is Forrest. Easily over the Bad News Bears player who was a Hank Aaron fan.

51 - Ricky Bobby - Colt Trickle- NASCAR - Both cars in their final races had that number and since both movies were similar, calling it a tie.

53 - Herbie - multiple racing venues - Can't believe it took me as long as it did to remember this. Far more significant than Greg Brady.

59 - Pirate Steve Cowan (Average Joe's) Played by the talented Alan Tudyk

61 - Bodanski - Florida Penitentiary Guards team (1974 Longest Yard movie) Played by hall of fame linebacker Ray Nitchke and since this character wore a different number than Nitchke's 66, I will count it.

66 - Todd Flanders - Springfield youth football - He would stand next to his brother Rod who wore number 6.

68 - Peter Griffin - New England Patriots - Shipoopi

69 - Eric Cartman - South Park cows

72 - Brock Sampson - State University - Former Bodyguard of Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture

73 - Sampson - Mean Machine (1974) When I saw the movie as a kid, I did not realize two things. The person who played him also played Jaws in James Bond movies and that he did not originally say that he broke his freaky neck.

78 - Andre Kimm - Texas State - Played by Sinbad one of the few linemen movie characters who was not an extra or a sidebar.

84 - Bobby Brady - New York Jets - Worn in the dream sequence where he caught a Joe Namath TD pass.

85 - Rod Tidwell - Arizona Cardinals - Show him the money!

86 - Chuck Hicks - Piston Cup - Won the title when Lightning McQueen helped the King cross the finish line. Spoiler.

87 - Phill Elliott - North Dallas Bulls - Main character in dark movie about pro football played by Nick Nolte.

92 - Big Tony - Mean Machine (2005) - Saw The Longest Yard remake once and don't really remember him but there were 6 players specified in the movie and he was one of them.

94 - Anthony "Fridge" Johnson - Brantford High School - From the remake of Jumanji.

95 - Lightning McQueen - Piston Cup - Won multiple titles before racing against the best in the world.

96 - Charlie Conway - Mighty Ducks - Quack

97 - Switkowski - Mean Machine (2005) - Same as 92

99 - Ricky Vaughn - Cleveland Indians - I really wished they did not make a sequel.

Marscon non musical overview

What makes Marscon more special is the non performance events. Here is my ratings for those:

Mall of America trip B+: Unlike last year, the hotel for the convention is close to the mall and within walking distance on a warm day. Since it is the first week on March, that won't be likely but the hotel will have shuttle service. The overwhelming Pepsi signage in the building along with the fact that Diet Mountain Dew (the only Pepsi beverage I can drink) is not available anywhere in the building is the only deterrent in the trip and inspires me to take a flippie of the sign in the south food court every year.

Opening ceremonies A-: Luke usually with Earl Luckes put together the only convention opening ceremonies sketch ever worth watching. I was honored to help with the FuMPet show production from a couple of years ago.

Dementia water aerobics A-: Though I usually am in no shape (physically or otherwise) to participate in it, this event done by Kornflake who is a certified instructor is something which I am glad exists. Since there is no more fan showcase (as is was discontinued after I sang in it last year) it is starting later on Saturday and if I am not too worn out, I might participate or at least curse out Agent Luke Bauer for shutting down the fan showcase after Dr Demento gave me written permission last year to perform in every future one.

Dementia Smackdown wrestling: A: This event was moved to Saturday afternoon after the past couple of years was on late in the evening causing everyone there tired. I really enjoy watching the artists themselves get worked up watching their avatars (created by Mr Tuesday) wrestle for the title.

The Flopcast live A: Over the past couple of years, the Flopcast (featuring Kevin and Kornflake) has become my favorite podcast. I was glad to be in the area when they were recording last year and will be there though not sure how awake and functional at Sunday noon when they record.

Party rooms B: Over the years as I have gotten older the rating has dropped since I can't enjoy them as I used to especially since I now have to prepare myself so I can enjoy them as they are designed. I am hoping  the FuMP karaoke CD files can end up in the karaoke room so they could be done there.

Kahn's B+: Other than Pepsi, it is a little sad to be there as it signifies the beginning of the end of the weekend as people start to head home at the time as they must.

prop time 2015

Like the last couple of years this is what I would bet on Super Bowl XLIX: (hopefully this time in a font that posts)

These in base $100:

Wilson MVP +350 (X Brady)
Wilson first TD +1200 (X Lafell)
Brady over 36.5 att -135   +235
Brady 2 tot TD pass +250 (x4)
Gronk over 74.5 rec yd -125 (X68)
Wilson 3 tot TD pass +500 (x2)
Wilson over 42.5 rush yd -125 (X39)
Wilson rush TD +200 (X)
Gronk over 100 red yd +190 (X68)
Wilson first Sea TD +600 (X Lynch)
Sea wins 19-24 +1400 (X)
Sea first TD of game by rush +400 (X NE pass)
NE under 24.5 pt -115 (x 28)
Sea over 24 pt -115   +215
Sea -14.5 +450 (X)
Sea -7.5 +240 (X)
7 total TD +500   +600
Sea 5 TD +750  (X3)
2 tot FG +350   (X1)
tot 51-60 +275  +375
missed FG +110  (X)
NE 4th down conversion +130  (X)
Sea 4+ players score +120     +220

These two bets would be for base $500 as opposed to base $100

Seattle win -105 (X)
over 48 tot -115  +1,075

As one can tell from the bets, I have Seattle winning by a large margin. (38-17) Why? Over the past two seasons, Seattle is 8-3 playing on natural grass while New England is 2-6 with one of the wins by three points over a team that went 1-15. Since the game will be played on natural grass, this matchup between two otherwise even teams should not end up close.

Total bet $3,515
Total collected $2,720
Net result -$795

It was ironic that the two interceptions that Seattle got took out two starting players which New England was able to exploit to score 28 points. I am still stunned by the play call on second and goal from the one yard line with plenty of time. Though a touchdown would have given Seattle the win and probable victory, I would have lost one prop bet and possibly gained another if Wilson is named MVP.

Theater sitting

For me there used to be confusion describing where I was sitting in a theater or where someone was going to be on stage since stating right and left is usually followed by asking from the performers or audience point of view.

Thanks to two songs, describing it is now simple and easy:

What songs? :





When I told my daughter we are in the 21st row on the trees side of the drugs section, she understood exactly what I meant. I also stated the water seats cost $263.50 each when I searched.

Out with a bang

Due to recent and future events, I felt like I needed to go bowling and since Wood Dale Bowl has all you can bowl on Sunday for $10 per person, I went there. I was surprised to see my nephew who bowls on his high school team there at a party.

After 5+ minutes getting into my size 10 1/2 bowling shoes (purchased in 1993 at wholesale cost after someone at the bowling distributorship where I work special ordered then returned them) due to arthritis and the bone spurs on both my heels, I took four careful steps and lofted the 1994 Omega (year made/brand of bowling ball) down the lane. The first game was spent trying to get loose and finding the spot to throw the ball even switching equipment ending with a 166.

The next two games were frustrating due to poor carry and after switching back to the ball I usually use there, I figured things out during the third game as the last 9 shots were in the pocket. Thanks to a pocket 7-10 in the 9th of the third game both of them were 198.

The fourth game continued where I left off. Though the shots were thrown far from identical, the first 7 shots were in the pocket all strikes but a 7 pin on a wall shot that did not carry fully. The eighth frame my left leg gave a bit and I pulled the shot leaving a 3-6 which I only hit the 6 on my spare ball as I favored the leg.

After pocket strikes in the ninth and the first shot of the tenth, I called to my nephew to watch me finish. On the next shot the left leg dragged behind causing the toe to contact the approach first and I wiped out. In spite of that (because I developed a straight armswing), the ball went exactly the direction it should and it was a pocket strike. I got to the point where I was sitting on the approach and my nephew and the person two lanes over came to help but there was no way I would take either hand. I crawled to the ball return and used it to help myself up. I then took my 1988 Black Hammer which I now use as a spare ball, stood at the line, and threw my last shot leaving a pocket 4 for a 244 total.

My nephew was surprised when I told him he saw my last EVER game. I explained I was his age the last time I saw my father bowl and this being the 6th time my left leg either popped or failed in the past 21 years, I have had enough. When I tell people I HATE bowling, this is why. After getting my equipment in my bag and paying for my bowling, I took out my orange towel which I have used for years and put the two bags in the dumpster in the bowling alley parking lot as everything else in it is too old to be reused.

Though I am typing this with a sore left calf, hamstring, and hip, what I am really upset about is missing the spare in the 8th.

T - 6 weeks

I as do every year, here is my assessment of the Marscon 2015 musical performers hopefully in cronological order:

Carrie Dahlby - B+: My first thought was why two years in a row then I realized she had the second most requested parody of 2014 on the Doctor Demento Show. After hearing Almost Parent Time I was thinking I could always replace the Earl part but her husband does a great job at it since her music ability and knowledge has made him better and Earl should be there anyway.

Devo Spice - A: Though his newest tracks on the album were not as impressive as must of what he has done the past couple years, the recent work still warrants the grade.

the great Luke Ski A: Three years ago, I was suggesting having Luke not perform a main stage Marscon show as the work he did before and during the weekend took away from his show. Since then he has won two Logan Awards and has been #1 for the year on Dr Demento twice while upgrading his live show.

Mikey Mason - A: One of the newest FuMP core members whose live show takes his music up another level.

Worm Quartet - A: More than anyone he can perform songs that are 10 years old and still kick ass with it while integrating new material.

Power Salad - B+: Marscon is always better when he is there whether performing his music or joining others with an instrument or with his professional voice.

Tony Goldmark - B: Back at Marscon for the first time in 10 years. Though things between him and those he made upset in 2005 have been resolved, it will still feel a little weird.

Sponge Awareness Foundation B-: I have not seen the group perform in many years and to be honest until last year's Marscon, I was only familiar with only one of their songs. They are generally an unknown though The Flopcast, done by member Kevin Eldridge with Kornflake, is my favorite one to listen.

TV's Kyle B: I am glad he will be making the trip to Marscon to perform and hopefully he will have info about the cartoon show which he created.

Rob Paravonian B: Like with SAF, I am not that familiar with the guest of honor's music other than one specific song though looking at his music profile discovered others.

Feng Shui Ninjas B-: Their music is different than the rest of the con and though fine, my enthusiasm is not the same for as the others there.

FuMP Jukebox: B: With the fan showcase being moved to the Jukebox, it will provide others a chance to perform on the main stage.

Smackdown B: Though sad to see the weekend end, this is always a nice way to go out.