Marscon days 1&2 by the numbers

Days Marscon officially happens: 3

Days Marscon lasts for me: 5

Time up on Thursday morning: 2:40 AM

Hours worked Thursday before getting on road: 4

Nine hole courses played on trip: 2

Times stopped for bathroom/food/gas: 6

Total time from leaving work to arriving at hotel: 9:30

Time taken in 2023 to beat an approaching winter storm: 6:10

Consecutive times Luke Ski attended Marscon before missing this year: 21

People on Thursday helping with posting music track flyers: 6

Time in bed after hanging out and helping others that arrived later than me: 11:40PM

Cost of hotel omelette: $21

Minutes needed to drive to Bethel University disc golf course: 35

Rounds planning to play there in the 2025 Masters disc golf world championship: 3

Inches on snow that fell at MSP airport on Wednesday: 9

Feet the drive on course hole 2 slid down snow covered hill after hitting ground: 80

Elevation in floors needed to navigate to play the Bethel University course: 15

Holes played there trudging through snow before heading back to car and driving back to hotel: 3

People at hotel who didn't know my name but knew I worked with Luke and asked me if I can get his badge to him: 2

Cost of Long John Silvers fish meal at the Mall of America west food court: $20

Times over the years taking a picture flipping off a giant Pepsi logo in that court: 15

Year I took a picture of that logo not flipping it off since Flat 29 was eating at the table below it: 2013

Mall locations I made a purchase: 3

Age of female divorced Famous Footwear store manager who appeared interested in me causing me to return to the store to get the dry fit socks I have wanted to get for a while allowing me the opportunity to invite her to stop by the con after she was done with work: 58

Times checking on the massage room since my right knee went "no" while walking in the mall and I needed urgent help: 6

Minutes Sulu, a former part of the Dr Demento Show crew, was stuck on an elevator: 60

Adult beverages consumed at party rooms: 3

Age of first performer: 13

Of her three songs performed, number of tracks that featured a significant amount of adult language: 2

Years since former GOH was at Marscon: 10

People in crowd whom I saw singing along with him: 8

Years ago the previous time I got up from my seat in the audience and my legs failed requiring me to grab a chair to avoid falling: 10

Songs I heard from next two acts due to being tired and showing the 13 year old performer pictures I took of her parents at Marscon before she was born: 2

People seen expressing anticipation for seeing the music guest of honor: 7

Items purchased from table 27 including shirt of the music GOH whose act I was too tired to appreciate: 3

Time in bed: 12:30AM

2024 by the numbers

Sanctioned rounds played: 31

Holes played in sanctioned rounds: 644

Total to par: +4

Score to par on holes 17 and 18: +24

B tiers played: 5

B tiers in lead or tied for lead during round 2: 4

B tiers won: 1

Two round C tiers won: 1

Flex starts won: 2

Rating increase in 2024: 20

Points above previous high: 17

Number of states played: 6

Total courses played: 61

Number courses played for first time in 2024: 23

Total unique holes birdied: 368

Birdies from throw ins: 9

Holes never birdied before: 169

Of those 169...

On courses not played before 2024: 115

New options on familiar courses: 22

Holes played at least 10 times before first birdie: 10

Of the 10: At Eagle Ridge: 4

Of the 4, during the B tier won there: 2

Lifetime unique holes birdied: 897

Total 2024 metal hits off tee or second shot on par 4: 8

Aces: 1

Total lifetime aces: 9

Lifetime Aces at Horizon Park: 5

Lifetime aces done between May 15 and Aug 11: 0

Marscon preview

With the future becoming more undecided than ever, realized 2025 could be my last March trip to the twin cities to see many perform and my brain has been ranking the main stage performers by the desire to see their show so to get it out of my head from least to most desired...

Redgar and the Fighters: I have seen them before and nothing really stood out. 

"Needlejuice collaborations": There are multiple collaborations with or associated with Jace who oversees the operations of that company which has impressed me with what they do. The generation gap I have with their work has decreased over the past few years.

Meowmeme: After hearing how well it can sound in rehearsal, realized the energy on stage can overwhelm the performance.

King Missle/Dogbowl: I have known the names but not the music. After the announcement, heard their music and meh. Others have shown their enthusiasm upon the announcement, so will be interested in what they do.

Carrie Dahlby: Nice to see a show featuring her.

Steve Goodie: Glad he is making the trip.

Ross Childs: Sub for Luke Ski. 

Insane Ian: Since he took over the Logan Awards, it has become better. 

Worm Quartet: Life has many times caused a WQ show to be canceled and am hoping he makes the trip to play tracks from his most recent album.

Devo Spice: Since he runs FuMPFeST, he doesn't do a full show there. Due to life (his and mine) it has been a long time since I saw a full performance.

December music

For a long time, I have changed words to songs mainly played in December even before I discovered that others have made recordings. Today, I often recite them especially in my head at work.

Here is a quiz to guess whether the December parody idea or recording is mine, someone else's, or a combination (three dots mean a gap in lyrics since I didn't want the post to be too long);

1: Come they told me to Nakatomi.

2: You better watch out and cover your eyes. You better not look, I'm telling you why. The mall Santa pulled his pants down.

3: A lay in a manger; no need for a bed. There's room to have coitus; there's room to give head.

4: Rudolph the brown nosed reindeer; soon he will be history.

5: Here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus Lane. With a machine gun and lots of ammo, starts blowing children away.

6: Sir we gotta buy this thong, for my momma please ... I want it to be beautiful if momma nailed Santa tonight.

7: I'm dreaming of Alt-right Christmas ... and may all Amerikkka be white.

8: Oh Christmas tree; oh Christmas tree. The fucking dog just peed on it.

9: Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. Hot sauce dripping from their toes.

10: City sidewalks, lonely man stalks looking for a good time ... Suck my balls. Suck my balls; then let me play with your titties.

11: Now my DM is a curmudgeon; he trapped me in a dungeon. I hope these dice will save my troll. Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll.

12: Hark the Herald Tribune rings advertising wondrous things.

13: There's no thing like blow for the holidays ... Just set yourself up with a couple lines; for the holidays you'll have get up and go.

14: Police shot my dad ... Police shot my dad for being black since did nothing bad.

15: Make yourself a realistic wish list. Do you look at price?

16: Put on some eye shade and join the parade walking 'round in women's underwear.

17: Frosty the ho man ... First he finds them dates then he sets the rates for 40 bucks she'll suck your cock.

18: There's no holidays ... Just holy days for the foolish. There's no holidays. Screw you.

19: All I want is naught for Christmas. There's not one thing that I need. If you go and get a present, that is an insult to me.

20: Hark I hear bells, charity bells, ringing today, six weeks away?

21: We wish you a Merry Christmas and please buy our beer!

22: Who is the guy that's yellow and round? PacMan is the guy that's yellow and round. 

23: Jingle my, jingle my, jingle my cock.

24: I saw daddy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night

25: It's my last Christmas and I'm falling apart ... for I am a dying shell of a man.

26: Walking 'round the dead bodies at the Christmas party morgue

27:  It's the most wonderful time of the year. There'll be much nipple-sucking and everyone fucking a dead rotting deer.

Answers:

1: Insane Ian and Bonecage "Die Hard Christmas (2016)

2: Me (80s initially) that Carrie Dahlby turned into a full version of a song in '06.

3: Playboy December edition early 90s

4: Initially late 80s song played on Dr. Demento Show by Rudy and the Reindeer. That line I created.

5: Me (80s) song "Terror on Santa Claus Lane" where first verse explains Santa gunning down patrons at a parade and next verse trying to figure out why. That idea ended up applying to the Mall Santa song when stating he forgot his meds. This was before Weird Al's "The Night Santa Went Crazy" was released.

6: Robert Lund "The Christmas Thong" ('08) Written by Spaff

7: both - Song is from Tommy Safespace and the Libtards "It's an Alt-right Christmas" ('16) that features parodies of songs from the warped point of view by many who celebrated the 2016 presidential election (and 2024) results.

When I first saw the movie Holiday Inn during the late 90s, was surprised an inn only open on holidays was open on Lincoln's birthday being 2 days before Valentines Day. This was done so Bing Crosby could do a song in blackface so I started to parody White Christmas from the point of view of a man who did that Lincoln song.

After the 2016 election, the phrase Alt-right became popular and I posted to Facebook that my brain was making that song and someone with far more musical talent than me turned it into a full medley of songs. The second line of the song "the madman told me so" references me providing the idea.

8: Me (80s) My mom was hammering a nail to hang a wreath and the dog peed on it.

9: Bob Rivers (2000)

10: Me (80s)

11: Luke Ski "It's an Fanboy Christmas" (2000) A compilation of December parodies with a sci-fi theme. The format of the song was used for the "It's an Alt-right Christmas" song

12: Tom Lehrer A Christmas Carol (1959)

13: Me ('20)

14: Tommy Safespace - A different parody from the 2016 song.

15: Carla Ulbrich ('24)

16: Bob Rivers ('93)

17: Playboy early 90s

18: Me ('20)

19: Me ('24) Contrived while doing this list

20: Me ('10) Hearing the Salvation Army bells at Yorktown Mall on my 45th birthday which is exactly 6 weeks before Christmas. 

21: Stan Freberg Green Chri$tma$ (1958)

22: Luke Ski "It's an Fanboy Christmas 3" ('10)

23: Me (80s)

24: Kip Adotta ('84) who is known for the song "Wet Dream"

25: Me ('16) Yes, I would deserve to go to hell but since hell was created by people in charge who wanted to discourage others from rebellion against the rulers, that is not plausible.

26: Art Paul Schlosser ('04) I bought that CD the day Tony Goldmark turned 21.

27: ShoEboX from Worm Quartet - He doesn't generally do parodies but the ones he creates are amazing. I am hoping he is able to attend Marscon in 2025 dammit.

Facing "Serena"

A few years ago, someone asked people if could win a point against #1 female tennis player in the world Serena Williams and many ignorant dudes stated they could.

When I was occasionally playing tennis, I would have said hell yes and if given the opportunity would have likely seen serves whiz past maybe shanking one or two off the racket.

The tennis days ended a long time ago so that phrase for me would apply to disc golf. Personally, 2 1/2 years ago at the Masters Worlds at Sunset Hills confirmed the gap between FPO elite players who play that course and me.

Comparing me to players most of whom are a quarter century and more younger is not feasible but a female ten time major championship winner who is eligible for events in 55+ age divisions is from the Chicago area.

Over the past 5 years, we played in the same event 5 times (2-2-1) most notably in Wisconsin where she won the MP50 division and I won the MA50 division with the exact two round score.

This Sunday for a one round event at 50 Acre Park, noticed that player is registered for the MA50 division and there was an open spot in the foursome and I eagerly signed up for that time always wanting to play a round with her.

The ignorant "14 year old" version of me from 1979 who considered females as inferior sees this as something different. Unfortunately way too many people earlier this month had the same thought when they went to vote and some of them already discovered how the publicly stated plan will hurt them and the country.

No matter what, the 59 year old version of me who is wanting to play one more rated round in 2024 and get to 900 rated needs to be there. By ratings, both of us are expected to shoot the same score.

Stat update

This morning, found out my event starts on 17 of the summer (ski hill) Alpine Valley course.

It reminded me of a weird coincidence with stats for 2024.

In 30 rounds, currently 23 over par on 17 and 18 (including the 17th and 18th played in the round among the 27 at the Oaks). For all others, 17 under par.

The only birdies on 17 and 18 this year were during the first round of the World Championship at Olpe Lake. Fairfield, Grey Fox, and Eagle Ridge all have challenging finishes that contribute to the score including the triple bogey on 17 on the ski hill last month.

On the golf course for lower level players, both 17 and 18 are short par 4s that can be birdied. Will see what happens the next day.

Real issue

After seeing a cartoon video on FB, remembered that there is something called a real ID which I didn't bother to get last year when I renewed my driver's license because there were no plans to get on an airplane.

Found out that on May 7th, 2025 a Real ID will be required to get on any plane. Since playing in the US Championship would require a flight on May 5th to Albuquerque and the return one on May 12, not getting a Real ID would have forced me to rent an additional car to make a 24 hour drive home.

I wonder had I not thought about a Real ID, would I found out about this in time as it takes almost a month to get it sent after providing multiple items to prove identity and residence.