December music

For a long time, I have changed words to songs mainly played in December even before I discovered that others have made recordings. Today, I often recite them especially in my head at work.

Here is a quiz to guess whether the December parody idea or recording is mine, someone else's, or a combination (three dots mean a gap in lyrics since I didn't want the post to be too long);

1: Come they told me to Nakatomi.

2: You better watch out and cover your eyes. You better not look, I'm telling you why. The mall Santa pulled his pants down.

3: A lay in a manger; no need for a bed. There's room to have coitus; there's room to give head.

4: Rudolph the brown nosed reindeer; soon he will be history.

5: Here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus Lane. With a machine gun and lots of ammo, starts blowing children away.

6: Sir we gotta buy this thong, for my momma please ... I want it to be beautiful if momma nailed Santa tonight.

7: I'm dreaming of Alt-right Christmas ... and may all Amerikkka be white.

8: Oh Christmas tree; oh Christmas tree. The fucking dog just peed on it.

9: Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. Hot sauce dripping from their toes.

10: City sidewalks, lonely man stalks looking for a good time ... Suck my balls. Suck my balls; then let me play with your titties.

11: Now my DM is a curmudgeon; he trapped me in a dungeon. I hope these dice will save my troll. Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll.

12: Hark the Herald Tribune rings advertising wondrous things.

13: There's no thing like blow for the holidays ... Just set yourself up with a couple lines; for the holidays you'll have get up and go.

14: Police shot my dad ... Police shot my dad for bring black since did nothing bad.

15: Make yourself a realistic wish list. Do you look at price?

16: Put on some eye shade and join the parade walking 'round in women's underwear.

17: Frosty the ho man ... First he finds them dates then he sets the rates for 40 bucks she'll suck your cock.

18: There's no holidays ... Just holy days for the foolish. There's no holidays. Screw you.

19: All I want is naught for Christmas. There's not one thing that I need. If you go and get a present, that is an insult to me.

20: Hark I hear bells, charity bells, ringing today, six weeks away?

21: We wish you a Merry Christmas and please buy our beer!

22: Who is the guy that's yellow and round? PacMan is the guy that's yellow and round. 

23: Jingle my, jingle my, jingle my cock.

24: I saw daddy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night

25: It's my last Christmas and I'm falling apart ... for I am a dying shell of a man.

26: Walking 'round the dead bodies at the Christmas party morgue

27:  It's the most wonderful time of the year. There'll be much nipple-sucking and everyone fucking a dead rotting deer.

Answers:

1: Insane Ian and Bonecage "Die Hard Christmas (2016)

2: Me (80s initially) that Carrie Dahlby turned into a full version of a song in '06.

3: Playboy December edition early 90s

4: Initially late 80s song played on Dr. Demento Show by Rudy and the Reindeer. That line I created.

5: Me (80s) song "Terror on Santa Claus Lane" where first verse explains Santa gunning down patrons at a parade and next verse trying to figure out why. That idea ended up applying to the Mall Santa song when stating he forgot his meds. This was before Weird Al's "The Night Santa Went Crazy" was released.

6: Robert Lund "The Christmas Thong" ('08) Written by Spaff

7: both - Song is from Tommy Safespace and the Libtards "It's an Alt-right Christmas" ('16) that features parodies of songs from the warped point of view by many who celebrated the 2016 presidential election (and 2024) results.

When I first saw the movie Holiday Inn during the late 90s, was surprised an inn only open on holidays was open on Lincoln's birthday being 2 days before Valentines Day. This was done so Bing Crosby could do a song in blackface so I started to parody White Christmas from the point of view of a man who did that Lincoln song.

After the 2016 election, the phrase Alt-right became popular and I posted to Facebook that my brain was making that song and someone with far more musical talent than me turned it into a full medley of songs. The second line of the song "the madman told me so" references me providing the idea.

8: Me (80s) My mom was hammering a nail to hang a wreath and the dog peed on it.

9: Bob Rivers (2000)

10: Me (80s)

11: Luke Ski "It's an Fanboy Christmas" (2000) A compilation of December parodies with a sci-fi theme. The format of the song was used for the "It's an Alt-right Christmas" song

12: Tom Lehrer A Christmas Carol (1959)

13: Me ('20)

14: Tommy Safespace - A different parody from the 2016 song.

15: Carla Ulbrich ('24)

16: Bob Rivers ('93)

17: Playboy early 90s

18: Me ('20)

19: Me ('24) Contrived while doing this list

20: Me ('10) Hearing the Salvation Army bells at Yorktown Mall on my 45th birthday which is exactly 6 weeks before Christmas. 

21: Stan Freberg Green Chri$tma$ (1958)

22: Luke Ski "It's an Fanboy Christmas 3" ('10)

23: Me (80s)

24: Kip Adotta ('84) who is known for the song "Wet Dream"

25: Me ('16) Yes, I would deserve to go to hell but since hell was created by people in charge who wanted to discourage others from rebellion against the rulers, that is not plausible.

26: Art Paul Schlosser ('04) I bought that CD the day Tony Goldmark turned 21.

27: ShoEboX from Worm Quartet - He doesn't generally do parodies but the ones he creates are amazing. I am hoping he is able to attend Marscon in 2025 dammit.

Facing "Serena"

A few years ago, someone asked people if could win a point against #1 female tennis player in the world Serena Williams and many ignorant dudes stated they could.

When I was occasionally playing tennis, I would have said hell yes and if given the opportunity would have likely seen serves whiz past maybe shanking one or two off the racket.

The tennis days ended a long time ago so that phrase for me would apply to disc golf. Personally, 2 1/2 years ago at the Masters Worlds at Sunset Hills confirmed the gap between FPO elite players who play that course and me.

Comparing me to players most of whom are a quarter century and more younger is not feasible but a female ten time major championship winner who is eligible for events in 55+ age divisions is from the Chicago area.

Over the past 5 years, we played in the same event 5 times (2-2-1) most notably in Wisconsin where she won the MP50 division and I won the MA50 division with the exact two round score.

This Sunday for a one round event at 50 Acre Park, noticed that player is registered for the MA50 division and there was an open spot in the foursome and I eagerly signed up for that time always wanting to play a round with her.

The ignorant "14 year old" version of me from 1979 who considered females as inferior sees this as something different. Unfortunately way too many people earlier this month had the same thought when they went to vote and some of them already discovered how the publicly stated plan will hurt them and the country.

No matter what, the 59 year old version of me who is wanting to play one more rated round in 2024 and get to 900 rated needs to be there. By ratings, both of us are expected to shoot the same score.

Stat update

This morning, found out my event starts on 17 of the summer (ski hill) Alpine Valley course.

It reminded me of a weird coincidence with stats for 2024.

In 30 rounds, currently 23 over par on 17 and 18 (including the 17th and 18th played in the round among the 27 at the Oaks). For all others, 17 under par.

The only birdies on 17 and 18 this year were during the first round of the World Championship at Olpe Lake. Fairfield, Grey Fox, and Eagle Ridge all have challenging finishes that contribute to the score including the triple bogey on 17 on the ski hill last month.

On the golf course for lower level players, both 17 and 18 are short par 4s that can be birdied. Will see what happens the next day.

Real issue

After seeing a cartoon video on FB, remembered that there is something called a real ID which I didn't bother to get last year when I renewed my driver's license because there were no plans to get on an airplane.

Found out that on May 7th, 2025 a Real ID will be required to get on any plane. Since playing in the US Championship would require a flight on May 5th to Albuquerque and the return one on May 12, not getting a Real ID would have forced me to rent an additional car to make a 24 hour drive home.

I wonder had I not thought about a Real ID, would I found out about this in time as it takes almost a month to get it sent after providing multiple items to prove identity and residence.

Major travels

For age restricted non female disc golfers, there are two major events every year. The world championship that people qualify the year before and the US championship which doesn't. 

In 2018, was good enough to justify playing the US title in Crown Point, IN but not eligible for the worlds.

In 2019, was good enough to justify driving 700 miles to play my first world championship but not good enough to fly to Massachusetts for the US.

In 2021, not good enough to justify flying to Orlando for the worlds or drive to Columbia, MO for the US.

In 2022, was good enough to justify driving either to Quad Cities for the US or Peoria for the worlds and chose Peoria then with help from Luke Ski and my daughter made a video making fun of myself since making the cut was not going to happen.

In 2023, not good enough to fly to Eugene, Oregon for the US or Flagstaff, Arizona for the worlds and would not trust myself navigating the AZ courses at 7,500 foot elevation.

Because of how I was playing this year, justified the 625 mile drive to Emporia, KS for the worlds but at the time a decision was needed to be made, not good enough to fly to Cary, NC for the US.

For the US title being held this week, in my current MA55 division would be by rating exactly in the middle expected to miss the cut by 3 shots and in the MA60 division which I will be eligible in 104 days, would be 11th of 32 and expected to make the cut.

That made me realize I am now good enough to justify flying to a major championship next year in MA60.

The worlds is 4th of July week in the Minnesota twin cities so driving there will happen. The US title is in early May in Ruinoso, NM. I can fly to Albuquerque and rent a car but elevation is 6,500 feet.

If I wanted go there, will need to be significantly lighter to give myself a chance to participate since at my weight navigating a course at elevation would be difficult. Even if I don't go to the US championship, will be making at least one other out of town drive to play a large event.

In order to participate in more out of town events in 2025 as the "young player" in MA60, will need to use the vacation time and money that would otherwise be used to to go Marscon and FuMPFeST.

Though my daughter and I were considering chartering a bus again through her company to pay her to attend Marscon again in 2025 and that others want to ride, that isn't going to happen as it would not be fair to the time, money, energy, and physical pain endured to get my game to the level it is right now.

As of now, my doctor wants to replace my right knee in early 2026 so the Marscon fun bus might be back on the schedule then since I would schedule my surgery so I could be on disability during the convention.

I am also aware that anything can happen on or off the course to an obese man with arthritis approaching 60 and that it is not impossible for something to happen to prevent me from playing.

If there is a question if would I rather compete in a major disc golf championship or go to Marscon, look at my Facebook profile.

37th time is the charm

Thirty hours after finally winning an Illinois Series Event, the emotions kicked in. Similar to what happened in most of my wins, it wasn't close.

After a distant second at a B tier in July, what happened in round two last month at the previous IOS B tier event, and after a frustrating Labor Day event, dedicated time to learning Eagle Ridge for this B tier since my goal for the second half of 2024 was winning my first B tier event.

Last year at Eagle Ridge, I barely finished due to my right knee which gave out the previous month but for 2024, the course seemed shorter but it took a couple trips of practice rounds to realize how to take advantage of that.

Knowing there was a one round event the Friday before, decided to take a vacation day to get a competitive round there and was well matched in a group where we all finished within 2 shots of each other and star framed the 10 foot high basket on #9.

That round turned out by rating to be by two shots my best there, my 5th best for the year and among the top 15 lifetime played.

In the IOS event on Sunday, had a different plan for 8 tee shots because of what I learned on Friday and three of them produced birdies (and would have been 4 but a 22 foot putt hit cage). Along with repeating birdies on the three from Friday and my first ever birdie on #11, the score for the 18 was 4 shots better than my personal best at that course from Friday and because I made the birdie to finish the round on a temp hole, overall round rating was lifetime best and I had a 6 shot lead.

Had to eat lunch at car to avoid bees and when I got up, could barely put weight on right leg. Realizing sitting would just cause white cells to accumulate, had to try to walk it off. With another dose of arthritis cream, got ready for round two in winder conditions. 

As the round progressed, the person from third became the closest to me but after his tree problems on 8 and me birdieing 11 from the long tee on one of the best drives of my life was up 10 with 5 to go.

From the long tee, 15 for me is a drive that heads to the tree that is OB on the right then turns left into the fairway helped by the wind. I failed to realize it was more a headwind than right to left and hit the tree and was OB with 250+ to go. 

Third shot rode the OB line and disappeared over the crest unsure if OB so I threw a provisional that was even more right than the first one so threw a second provisional which could have been 7th while opponent had a doable shot for 3.

Fortunately, all the shots ended up in bounds but missed the 40 foot bogey putt and lost 2 shots and also my nerves.

After hitting an early tree on the par 4 16 still shook from almost doing a "Tin cup", played for bogey since the hole has a hazard rule adding a shot off the fairway while my opponent made a birdie which I never saw someone make before.

Number 17 has a mandatory from the long tee which I badly missed. I was fortunate my opponent hit a tree on his approach and I only lost one shot making the lead 5.

On the tee for the par 4 18th, was in panic mode and instead of doing one of the two things in my practice rounds that worked, did something else and was way right. After pitching to the fairway, my opponent tried two hero shots from a bad spot but hit trees both times. Though I got a bogey going +6 in four holes, my opponent's double bogey had me up 6 going into the last hole.

Though we both screwed up our drive on the final hole, I managed to save par while he didn't making the margin 7 shots.

The feeling was relief more than anything and was mentally and physically exhausted. One I got home, could barely walk and it took 30 hours to gather enough energy to post this.

When I got home today from a frustrating day at work, used the eraser on the whiteboard for the events over the next month realizing that after posting 8 of my best 15 lifetime rated rounds over the past 11 months and with leg pain and a right arm that pops including while setting up putts in round two, rest and recovery needs to happen.

Other than the "Freedom round" next week and maybe one round heading to Con On the Cob, have no specific plans to play for a month.

World championship summer

My sister and I competed in a world championship this summer and there were come coincidences:

Forgot to put on chart that the winner of my sister's division whose event was over 2 1/2 hours shorter crossed the Pacific Ocean and the winner of my division who played an extra 4 hours crossed the Atlantic and that both my sister's and my participation was just under 10 hours each.